A 12 year old boy and his Uncle were out hiking at the bottom of a waterfall when an 800 to 900 lbs. boulder a hundred feet up just comes loose and kills the 12 year old. All I have to say is why? I can’t help but feel for the family of this child. This tragedy seems so unreal.

Stop calling random company phone numbers and yelling at their people, who are not in the position to help you. Your rationalization for doing this is because the company from your original call failed or wouldn’t help you in the way you demanded and now you’re a frustrated moron. They actually stated they were calling every phone number they could find that might be remotely connected with the first company, why? You’re just making yourself angrier and guess what, still no resolution to your original problem. So what’s the point of all the yelling? It solves nothing and doesn’t even make you feel better, so stop it before you go postal.

People don’t understand how insurance works, but ass(u)me they do. The news is reporting the “possibility” of a severe storm, “maybe” in the future and we start getting calls from people who want to file claims for it since it “might” affect their travel plans. Even though it “hasn’t” occurred yet and “may” not “even” happen. They then get all pissed off when we tell them they can’t file until something has “actually” happen. It’s like going to your auto insurance and telling them that “perhaps maybe” in the future you “might” total your car, so pleaze just give me the money now based on that possibility. It just doesn’t work that way with insurance. The occurrence has to happen first, and then payment can be considered after a claim is received and reviewed. The insurance company is not interested in participating in your view (fraud) of insurance. Plus the data charges on my crystal ball are outrageous and I’m not going to waste it just to check out the client’s hunch on the future. I’d rather use it to find out the lotto numbers.

The answer is kinda no, way to be decisive.

A lady (maybe) called to cancel the flight she booked to see her boyfriend because her husband was diagnosed with cancer. She chose love over lust, isn’t that so sweet! However she wasn’t happy when we told her that her husband’s doctor has to certify the illness so she can get her money back. I guess the husband doesn’t know.

Someone wants to sue us over a claim decision that hasn’t even been made yet? We haven’t even received their claim to review. So they want to sue us now because they “think” they’re not going to like our decision? Even though; we haven’t formed an opinion about their claim. I love idiots, this person came pre-pissed off.

We responded to a call from a church social worker about an unresponsive individual. When we arrived on the scene we found an older man on the floor. The social worker explained that they had basically given up on life after their wife died and she would check up on him from time to time since he stopped taking care of himself. He looked like a hermit, long unkempt beard/hair, long finger/ toe nails and generally just not a pleasant sight or smell and with something moving around in his hair. This was pre AIDS so rubber gloves were on the ambulance, but no one was in the habit of carrying them yet. Now I have touched many gross things including dead bodies before this, but after moving him onto the stretcher and into the ambulance I had an over whelming need to go back into the house and wash my hands (hand sanitizers weren’t a thing yet). This one had truly grossed me out.

Had another call; with a person in a similar situation. We had to get the police to place them into protective custody so we could take them to the hospital, since they were refusing care and it was an apparent stroke. When the officer approached the house; they ass(u)med from the smell coming out of it and wanted to know how long our patient had been dead. We advised him, that’s the problem, they’re not. In this case it was the officer who was grossed out. By this point, I had learned my lesson and had rubber gloves on my person for every call.

When I started working on ambulances, rubber gloves were on board because the state said we had to have them. They were mostly used to entertain children en route to the hospital. Then AIDS arrived on the scene. By the time I stopped working on ambulances, I would have gloves in my pants pocket, shirt pocket, coat pockets and anywhere else I could think of. Plus the ambulance had an assortment as opposed to the one size fits all prior to AIDS. But I still made glove animals for the kids. Also I recently found my old uniform jacket that I hadn’t worn since 1992 and it had rubber gloves in both the pockets.

One of my co-workers is named Ed. They had a client ask them for their name, so they gave it, simple enough, right? The client then asked them how to spell it, ok, so they answered “e” “d”, again Ed. The client then proceeded to say ok the first letter is “e” for Ed, what was the second letter again? I think his head exploded! Should have said “d” for dumbazz.

I went to the company holiday party and was having a good time until I had an encounter with a co-worker (of course they were drinking). I noticed a friend of mine sitting at a table by themselves so I went over to talk to them and proceeded to sit in the seat next to them. Suddenly the person who apparently was occupying that seat before me appeared and ruddily let me know that was their seat and they’d like to sit down. So I got up, they sat for about 2 seconds and then got up and went dancing? Huh? They weren’t in the seat when I sat down and clearly didn’t want to sit there now, so why kick me out? What’s next, are they going to pee on the seat to mark it as their territory? The table had 10 seats and 9 were empty before I sat down, what harm was I causing by sitting in that particular seat? And if they really needed to sit down that badly, why not use one of the other 8 unoccupied seats? People’s reactions sometimes just baffle me? Little wonder I want my Cabin In The Woods.

My employer likes it when we tell their customers that we are sorry for whatever their situations are. Not happening with me.  If I’m not sorry, I’m not sorry, nor am I going to falsely express it. If I didn’t make the mistake, I’m more than happy to fix it, but I’m not sorry. I also don’t like to apologize either, something also desired by my employer. Apologize for what? If I made the mistake, then I’m sorry and I apologize, other than that, no. There’s just no need to say I’m sorry for something when I’m not. Apologizing all the time or saying I’m sorry seems counter-productive to me. People believe that it is good customer service and you should express sympathy this way, why? I can do my job, show empathy, be pleasant, engage in small talk and make people happy with the end results, even after someone else has pissed them off and never once say I’m sorry or apologize. Since it is a false sincerity; I won’t mean it and just saying it by rote is not improving the service any.   Plus people are not dumb and know when your spewing bullsh*t at them anyhow. However I will say “I understand”, because I’m listening and understanding their situation.

Don’t act before you panic!

We responded to a call for an injury to a child. They were going down a really steep hill on their bike; they then proceeded to use a poorly placed telephone pole at the bottom to stop, major ouch. If that wasn’t bad enough, their family then picked them up and brought them into their home and placed them into a rocking chair. So we had to do the extraction from that. Strangest extraction I ever participated in, the short board was too tall for them and the arms of the rocking chair were in the way and we couldn’t cut them off. Of course, the family should not have moved them in the first place, but that’s another discussion all together.

Had another call for a; personal injury to a child. As we walked up to the front door we could see a child through a picture window screaming at the top of their lungs. (Always an enjoyable ride to the hospital, won’t need the siren) Turns out the screaming toddler was not the patient but the older brother who was upset over their little brother’s injury. The actual patient was an infant and they were all smiles upon seeing us, the injury was a cut over their eye which they couldn’t see, so there were no hysterics on their part. I made the upset child a balloon animal out of a rubber glove, which cheered them up somewhat.

On another call; we were called to care for a drunk 10 year old. He apparently drank about 6 shots worth of Jack Daniels at a friend’s house and then tried to ride his bike home. All he kept saying about the bike ride was, “the ground keep getting in the way”, yea I bet. He had the biggest black eye I ever saw from the numerous impacts between the ground and his face. At one point my partner noticed the child was about to throw up, (funny fact, my partner was totally grossed out by the smell of vomit) so they picked the child up and ran him to a nearby bathroom, almost losing their own lunch in the process. My partner then insisted on driving the ambulance to the hospital with their head out the window to avoid the smell. If it wasn’t sad already that a 10 year old was getting that drunk, there was also the fact that we couldn’t locate his parents. So the police had to put him into protective custody so we could take him to the hospital.

I’ve had partners that intensely disliked working with sick and/or injured children. This of course can be a very tough and stressful situation when you have to see a child suffering; you just want to relieve their pain, which isn’t always possible. But I’ve always looked at it as they needed care and I was there to provide it. Becoming upset during the call was counterproductive to the reason we were summoned. You can get upset after you’re done. Though when I was transporting the crack babies from one hospital to another it was always sad event, but in those situations I was a glorified taxi driver since there were nurses caring for those babies. They were always so small, 2 lbs. if they were lucky and I’ve often wondered how these babies made out later in life.

Had someone call to put in a claim for a refund of their plane ticket telling us his mother had died; a covered reason. Two hours later someone claiming to be his mother called to tell us that she was in fact still very much alive. We won’t have paid unless he could produce a death certificate anyhow, but… Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire! Plus with a touch of fraud thrown in for good measure.

I just wanted to shake the tree to see how many nuts would fall out and to my surprise, it was loaded!

Does anyone hang the phone up anymore? I’ll be talking to someone at work and the conversation is over and instead of hanging up, they stay on the line. Sometimes they talk to others around them. Other times their just talking to themselves or bitching about me. Also they’ll put the line on hold or its just dead air with noises in the background. Hello, I can still hear you, so hang up. Since I’m on the phone all day, it happens consistently. I don’t remember this being an issue 10 years ago. Why is it now? Smartphones perhaps or are people just so self-absorbed that this simple action just doesn’t occur to them anymore? Just hang up the phone people!

You might ask why I don’t hang up. Being on the phone all day, I often have to note the account after the call and I typically use the time to make that note. So the customer usually will hang up, but not often enough.

I haven’t written anything interesting lately, but when have I ever?

Got an ambulance call once for a personal injury; resulting from a fall off a mini bike. When we got there, there was a big party happening with a lot of drinking going on. Well this rowdy group was taking turns driving a mini bike around the yard and one less than sober individual crashed it and broke their collar bone, or so we were told. When we surveyed the scene we noticed a large rock near the site of the crash that didn’t seem to belong in an otherwise well groomed yard. It was my crew’s hypothesis that what really happen was; the victim was driving and one of their drunken friends came up with a brilliant idea! Let’s throw this large rock at them, won’t that be oh so funny, not so much. So basically, beer, mini bikes and flying rocks don’t equal a good combination. Can’t help stupid especially when alcohol is involved.

True, but irrelevant. Normally, the opposite of true is false, not irrelevant. But the person who said this was being an ignorant dick so it’s ok.

I just write the words down; I don’t understand or comprehend what I’m doing, since I’m a real deep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz thinker.

Being the Would Be Hermit I of course like being out in the woods camping. In my “yout” I would go hiking in the mountains with one of my siblings, we’d go out for a week at a time generally. On one particular trip we came out to a dirt road running through the woods and took a break. A short time after that 2 individuals walked by and said, oh are you waiting for the bus? A bus, in the middle of the woods; yeah sure. It turns out that this particular dirt road connected a resort to their lake and they ran an old school bus up and down it for their guests. So eventually the bus did appear and we got a ride to the next trail junction, in the back of a pickup that was following the bus, since our packs didn’t fit through the bus doors. It was nice to get a ride the 2 miles to the next trail junction after 3 days of walking and it allowed us to get our campsite set up earlier than normal and get to bed sooner. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we’d end up on a bus route in the middle of nowhere.

I remember one hot summer night I was asleep in my apartment when I heard screams from a woman outside my window. The apartment building had an alley between it and the building next door and it wasn’t well light. I assumed the worst and got a flashlight and my .38 to investigate. It turns out that no one was being attacked in the alley. However a women (whose window was open) in an apartment across the alley was having a real good and loud time with their boyfriend. I heard her sounds of passion over my running air conditioner and she was so loud it woke me up. I really believed she was being attacked. I hope she sound proofed her bedroom if she ever bought a house or at least closed her windows when having her fun.

Post #125

I have a fellow co-worker who I believe sees this job as a stepping stone to where ever it is they want to go in their life (they’re a recent college grad) which is fine. But it also appears to me that they think their co-workers don’t really matter, so they don’t see a need to get to know any of us. It’s not like their being mean or nasty; they just choose not to interact with us.

I do hope all their dreams come true and that the way their life currently is; isn’t going to be as good as it is going to get for them in the future. But there is an old saying, “be nice to the people on your way up the ladder, you’ll be seeing them on your way back down”. Myself, I stopped climbing years ago, but when I was bothering, I always made friends, many of which I still talk to.

You’re entitled to your opinion, just as I’m entitled to ignore it.

One of my children, about 4 at the time, decided to walk up to the open front door of the house after a bath, then spread out their arms and announced, “Hello world, I’m naked!” A few years later the same child announced that they were only a few steps from being an adult. Now their 16 and there’s no longer an issue of them being naked at the front door (thank god), but they’re still a few steps from being an adult. They’ve made progress.

I have no vision, no clear view of my future, I’m just winging it.

Driver #1 is drunk and high, driver #2 is just drunk. They both make the poor decision to get behind the wheel of their respective cars and go driving. Too often in this situation one or both of them will come in contact with some innocent person and everyone’s lives change forever. However in this instance there was a bit of poetic justice in action since they both happened upon the same road heading towards each other. Then Driver #1 proceeded to swerve into Driver #2’s lane and they collided head on and both were arrested for driving under the influence. This is how it should occur. Too many other people have paid a terrible price for poor judgments induced by substance abuse. We all have problems; we just shouldn’t make others suffer for them. I basically don’t feel sorry for either of them; they didn’t belong on the road no matter how much their altered minds rationalized it. So hopefully while on the road to recovery from their respective injuries, they’ll tackle their addictions also.

In my spouse’s encounter with a drunk, they were driving down the middle lane of a three lane highway, in the middle of a bright sun shinny day, in the middle of the week, when the drunk drove up their butt, and then somehow ended up in front of them before veering off into the woods and hitting a tree (I have video). Luckily my spouse and their mother weren’t hurt, but it could have been much worst.

On another occasion (from my ambulance days) the police arrived on the scene to find the drunk beating the man he had just killed because they “damaged his car”. The man was only driving to the high school to pick up his daughter. He died on a cold night by himself and she was left to wonder where her dad was? She was probably getting upset that he was late, what kind of guilt might she have gone through when she found out what really happen? How would you even console this child? The police then arrested and escorted the drunk politely to their patrol car, yea right.

I responded to yet another accident involving a drunk. This guy drove a 70’s era Chevy Monte Carlo into a telephone pole; hit it dead center in the front of the car. There were no brake marks on the road and the police figured he was doing at least 40mph when he hit it. When we arrived he was conscious and sitting behind the wheel of his car with a good size cut on his forehead. One of the fireman noticed blood on the passenger seat and when we asked the drunk if anyone else was in the car with him, he answered “I think my girlfriend”? So believing his girlfriend was ejected out of the car a massive search ensued. But this guy was so drunk he never really gave a clear answer if she was in the car, it turns out she wasn’t. Best we could figure was; when he hit the pole, he cut open his head and then became unconscious for a short period with his head landing on the passenger seat, thus the blood. So at least he didn’t hurt anyone.

While I was wrapping his head in a bandage he looked at the telephone pole swinging in the wind and asked if he had done that, I answered yes you did, and then he said, I sure hope I didn’t damage the car. I later learned that he was driving a company car and he was suing his employer because he claimed they gave him a car with faulty brakes and he did nothing to cause the accident, ah delusions are a wonderful thing.

Basically I have no compassion for people who do this and I would rather be in my Cabin In The Woods in denial (for that’s healthy). Intellectually I understand they have problems, ones they might or can’t control. Emotionally I have no sympathy and by them ruining an innocent bystander’s lives, it can’t and shouldn’t be excused because of their substance abuse problems. I don’t drink or do illegal drugs because I’ve seen what does happen when you do and I’m afraid, with my family history (alcoholism), that if I do, I would lose control and be the cause of something terrible. So I abstain, if only others could.

I’m old or maybe just a little bit short; my 12 year olds shoe size is bigger than mine!

One of my children turned to the other and said; you’re so cute when you’re being a dick. Ah the love between siblings is a beautiful thing isn’t it.

When you’re young and weird that’s one thing, when you’re old and weird that’s entirely different. Can more be said about this, probably? Should I say it, perhaps? Will I say it, maybe?

One of my children is currently sailing around the Florida Keys and they came across the above named boat.  Being a group of teens, you know where their minds went.

I’ve been told I’m grammatically incorrect, absolutely! I’m reinventing the English language.

I’m entitled to it, I have a right to it, no; you don’t! But you are obligated and responsible for your life and actions!

I spotted a full moon as I walked by a cubicle; the cleaning lady had bent over to get the garbage!

This is better than what I saw!

I can write something clever and stupid all at the same time and no one cares, for no one notices.

I was sitting at my desk one day when a customer came in to report a collision they had with their car. They started off by saying “I’ve hit a flying deer”, ok, flying deer? Turns out they were driving down one of the local highways when another car hit the deer, launched it into the air and it landed on my customer’s windshield. They said the deer looked like the flying cows in Twister before it landed. They were still visibly shaken a day later. When I went home that night I was telling the story at dinner when my 4 year old asked with great concern in their voice I might add; was it Rudolph?

If your life is so insignificant that you need to steal other people’s ideas to help you feel like someone, then so be it. Inside your soul, you’ll know you’re a fraud.

At one point I worked for a company that handled dental insurance for a state Medicaid program. This policy had a (stupid) rule we called the 8 point rule. Meaning that if you had 8 molars making 4 points of contact in your mouth that was good enough (according to the state) to chew with. This rule was mostly used to deny root canals and then approve extractions (cheaper), so it resulted in many interesting arguments with clients. One particular client was very upset that the state wouldn’t approve her root canal and instead approved an extraction. Her argument went as follows, I still have all my teeth (good for you) and by pulling this tooth it would be akin to having an abortion in my eyes (she was serious, I was laughing). I haven’t met any sentient teeth, so I don’t think pulling a tooth is at the same level of an abortion. I also don’t recall ever seeing any anti-abortion protests outside of dental offices either.

Also had someone complaining about the state not approving the implants they put in for (not covered); since it was their belief they couldn’t get laid because of their bad teeth (their breath was also probably bad). Maybe that was the case or maybe it’s just their bad personality. Either way, it’s not up to the state to help improve their appearance or sex life.  So that perhaps, maybe in the future, someone might find them attractive enough, feel pity, or be drunk enough to then consent to have sex with them, can’t help ugly. Maybe hire a prostitute with bad teeth perhaps?

Finally one crazy lady said we needed to provide her with a gun (for protection) and a helicopter (for transport) to a dentist. Her reasoning was because (she named pretty much every ethnic group) were out to kill her and it wasn’t safe for her to leave the house. I’ve wondered if the dentist might be from one of those ethnic groups she mentioned and once she arrived, might they not try to do her in also? Medicaid pays for many things, even transportation (buses/taxis) but I think helicopters are out of their budget, but not psychiatric medications (hint hint), as for guns, I think not.

Before one of my children went off to summer camp they asked for a wrist watch. So I took them to the store and they picked one out with a large face. After camp we went on a cruise, while walking away from the ship a passerby noticed the watch and asked what brand it was. My child answered, “Ah, Target” (Tar jay if you prefer). The stranger thought it was an expensive name brand watch, really, for a 16 year old. I only own a Timex, you know, it takes a licking and keeps on ticking! Someone once told me they had to take their Rolex in for a tune up and it cost them $1200! My last Timex got a tune up; I threw it away when it stopped working. If I’m going to pay that kind of money to maintain something, it’ll be my house, not a watch.

I asked my spouse to come with me so they could pick out their Christmas present (a smartphone). I only told them that we were going to get a Christmas present but didn’t tell them where we were going. The building where the phone store is located is about 90% occupied by a gym. When we pulled into the parking lot, all they saw was the gym. The next thing they said was, “you’re getting me a gym membership!?!” Ah no, I’m getting you a smart phone, see the store in the corner. I was almost in real big trouble!

Once upon a time in a land far, far away (I’ve always wanted to write a fairy tale) I was living in an apartment on the second floor of a building that was surrounded by the flat roof of the first floor. It was nice; we had a door out on to it where the landlord had built a deck where we could hang out. For some reason a group of tweens also thought it would be neat place to hang out on to. Despite the fact we were living there and they were invading our privacy. I keep chasing them off and they kept coming back. They thought they had a right to hang out there for some reason?

A couple of days later, I came home to find their bikes were at the bottom of my stairs yet again. So I collected them all up and locked them in a nearby garage and told the tweens that if they wanted the bikes back, I wanted to speak to their parents. Their reaction was to try to get me in trouble by calling the police; however they were in for a surprise. When the officer showed up with the tweens in the back of the patrol car I explained to them how the tweens won’t stay off the roof and why I had locked up their bikes. The officer understood, loaded the bikes into the trunk of the patrol car and took all the tweens to their respective homes (I’m sure the parents were thrilled) and I never saw them again. I never understood why they would think it was ok to do this. If I had decided to disregard their privacy and hung out, outside the windows of their home, they certainly would have been calling the police. I never did call the police, perhaps I should have. Though, I found it funny when they did.

Do you have an opinion that no one asked you to express? Post an irrelevant comment then! I always do.

Can you actively die? Interesting question? I had someone tell me their parent was “actively dying”. Is this even possible? I know people do give up and eventually die, but can they be considered to be actively dying? Do we have this kind of power in our mind?

My own mother may have basically done this. She lost her last living relative of her generation and decided she had lived long enough and over a 2 week period her health went downhill to her demise. The doctors did all sorts of tests and could not find anything physically wrong with her. So it seems in her mind, it was just time to die. But did she actively die? Her health was in a state of decline for a long time prior to this event. Was it just a coincidence that she died during the time that she gave up on living? Or did she will her end or actively die? On a side note, shortly after she passed, her dog went to the back door and started to whimper, an unusual action for them, like they were seeing something/one? Did mom pass through the house one more time? Maybe I should think about this more in my Cabin In The Woods, wait, I don’t have one, to my bath tub then.

Then there was my father. He lived with my sister and she had three small boys at the time so my Dad always saw them. They decided to go on vacation and some of my other siblings came to care for him (I have 8). After my sister’s family left, my Dad asked one of my siblings if the grandchildren were gone. He was told yes and he passed away shortly after that. He apparently didn’t want to die with them in the house, interesting, actively dying?

One of my employer’s clients has its call center outside the US. A customer of theirs (not ours) called them to change a reservation. Apparently that customer got frustrated with the CSR they were speaking with and demanded to speak to an American. Not having any Americans handy, they transferred them to me (a totally understandable action on that CSR part). Yes I’m an American; no I couldn’t assist them since I only handle the insurance. The customer was not very pleasant to me; and less so when they realized how the other CSR had screwed them over. I can only imagine how they were to the other CSR. You shouldn’t treat other people like sh*t, there are ways for them to get even. They demanded an American; that is just what they got, however…

A coworker took a call from a person who for some reason identified themselves as a parolee from California and also advised them they were convicted for domestic violence (TMI). Anyhow, they were upset that their parole officer had denied them permission to fly one way to Texas and doubly upset we wouldn’t refund their ticket. My coworker calmed them down and explained how the insurance works. They also pointed out to the claimant that booking a one way ticket to Texas; might be a cause of concern for their parole officer and they might interpret the trip as an escape attempt considering its neighbor. They hadn’t thought of that and even agreed maybe they should have.

I just asked you a 3 part question and your answer was “yep” and/or I asked you what “state” you live in; your answer was “United States” and/or “Staten Island” (not a state)? Great listening skills! But not the answers I was looking for. I also enjoy it when I ask a question and get nothing but silence in return, not because their thinking, but because again, they weren’t listening.

Had a client call a coworker, they put diesel into their gas powered rental car and were wondering if the “collision” coverage would handle that? Not unless you drove into the pumps with the car. Besides, how’d you get it into the tank? Diesel nozzles are purposely made bigger than gas nozzles so they don’t fit into the hole and so you don’t do this. Wasn’t there diesel spilling all over the place? They were lucky the rental company only charged them $500 to fix the problem. If the nozzle doesn’t fit, then don’t commit!

Post #100

Had a customer call, they wanted to speak to Mr Aon Affinity because he sent them a letter. Problem is there is no Mr Aon Affinity, since Aon Affinity is the name of my employer and not a person, despite what the Supreme Court says, and can’t take phone calls. Apparently I wasn’t speaking to a rocket scientist and Brad is the one who actually sent them the letter.

This happen again, their travel agent gave them our phone # and told them to call and speak to Aon, so they did and they asked to speak to Aon when I answered. I could hear the embarrassment in their voice when I advised that Aon is the company name, not a person.

I’m highly unquotable because I’m happy in my ambivalence.

Had a client call in requesting a refund on their plane ticket. When I asked why they were looking for a refund, they stated (not very politely) that Mexico wouldn’t let them into the country. They didn’t say why they were barred, so I’ve wondered what exactly did they do? It’s Mexico after all. Did the immigration official look into a data base, see this person’s name with picture and said “whoa, it’s you, you can’t come in gringo”. Even we have (very low) standards. Also, couldn’t they just bribe their way in? It’s not like their trying to go to Canada. Lots of crazy sh*t goes on down there. Unfortunately for them, the insurance doesn’t offer coverage if a country rejects you. Perhaps they should also take a long hard look at their life; after all, Mexico wants nothing to do with them and that’s just sad. Who’s going to reject them next, maybe the Pope?

Ever have a person call your place of work and start off the conversation with the phrase “You People”. Chances are I was not involved in the beginning of what ever situation you’re calling about, so I’m not part of “You People”. So it’s just rude to start off with a negative and it makes me less likely to go out of my way to help. I’m “A Person” and should not be lumped in with “You People” unless I’ve earned it!

I know you’re sincere in your beliefs and I’m just as sincere in not caring.

Gary Busey actually said this after getting voted off Dancing With The Stars; “The fact that I have been eliminated is false.” He’s not denying it, but it is false? To quote another actor; “What color is the sky in your world?”

When my youngest was 10 they asked for some money for the school’s book fair. You’d figure that a 10 year old would come back with some sort of story book. Mine came back with a book on the elements and they read it completely, numerous times. They studied the periodic table long before they were at the grade level for it. One day they asked me if I knew it, I told them that back in my day the periodic table only had 3 elements, air, water and farts; they couldn’t locate farts on the table, it must have been removed.

A couple of months ago a ghost started to appear occasionally in the cubicle next to me at work (part timer). They didn’t haunt us or say ghostly things, they just don’t initiate conversations. They’d just take calls from the customers and then stare at their smart phone all day. I have tried to communicate with this ghost, I’d say hi, good morning, ESP, crystal ball, etc.; they just smile and say nothing (unless the ghost needs something). Others have also tried to no avail. We know they talk, we can hear them, but just not to us living beings (co-workers). So I’ve decided they are a ghost that can only be reached through a phone. Anyone know a good Phone Medium? Other than that, they don’t communicate with the world around them. Their just a bit self-absorbed.

At 6:05pm the phone rang and I thought, after this call I’ll go to the bathroom. Twenty five minutes later I finally get the person off the phone and now have to apologize to my coworkers for the smell. My calls average three minutes, who knew.

Words have power; it’s a power you have to take seriously. So don’t say stupid things that you haven’t really thought through and then be surprised at other people’s reactions. Words can hurt and unintentionally lead to actions by others that hurt people. So think before you speak, pleaze!

If on the off chance you did think before you spoke your words and understood what you were trying to do, and it comes out as a negative, then go f*ck yourself, pleaze, just saying.

Once had a boss at a sales position tell me that I was their most productive producer, but I didn’t show enough initiative, way to motivate! If I was your best at sales and this is what you thought of me, what did he think of my co-workers? You just can’t satisfy greedy people. Cabin In The Woods pleaze.

I took a call from a client and I was having problems locating his claim in the system. Turns out my coworker had correctly spelled his unique Polish last name, but had misspelled his first name Jon. Boy did that make us look stupid! Never ass(u)me…

I was listening to music on my I Touch the other day and I got to wondering how many of the people I listen to are actually dead. I could only think of 3 people off the top of my head. So being morbid I decided to count:

• Amy Winehouse (7/23/11)
• Barry White (7/4/03)
• George Harrison (11/29/01)
• John Lennon (12/8/80)
• Maurice Gibbs (1/12/03)
• Robin Gibbs (5/20/12)
• Karen Carpenter (2/4/83)
• Cory Wells (10/20/15)
• Donna Summers (5/17/12)
• Elvis Presley (8/16/77)
• Frank Sinatra (5/14/98)
• Harry Chapin (7/16/81)
• Michael Hutchence (11/22/97)
• John Denver (10/12/97)
• Johnny Cash (9/12/03)
• Marvin Gaye (4/1/84)
• Mary Wells (7/26/92)
• Freddie Mercury (11/24/91)
• Laura Branigan (8/26/04)
• Robert Palmer (9/26/03)
• Keith Richards (??/??/??)
• Lisa Lopes (4/25/02)
• Whitney Houston (2/11/12)
• Natalie Cole (12/31/15)
• David Bowie (1/10/16)
• Glenn Frey (1/19/16)
• Maurice White (2/3/16)
• Prince (4/21/16)

This list is truly depressing me. Ok, I know Keith Richards is actually alive, but really, shouldn’t he be dead? At least the majority of my play list is still alive and kicking, but 27 singers/musicians, really!

Update: I’ve added 5 people to this list since I originally posted it, scary.

Your Ignorance Is Impressive, Please Impress Me Some More!

Back in the 1980’s I was volunteering my time working on ambulances. Our service got called out to a motorcycle accident and upon arrival it was obviously a fatality. So the crew called in to dispatch to inform them of this. The dispatcher came back and asked if they were certain the victim was deceased. Well back in the 80’s everything was done on open airways and anyone could be listening. The crew tried to tell dispatch as diplomatically as possible that they were certain the victim was deceased without giving out to much information over the airways. But the dispatcher kept insisting over and over again to be more specific as to how they had arrived at this decision. Frustrated with them the crew finally said, because their head is between their legs, is that clear enough for you? That shut them up. They were only trying to respect the deceased, the dispatcher was being an azzhole by second guessing them. When they can see what’s going on and the dispatcher can’t they shouldn’t ass(u)me and just accept what their being told.

I also remember an overnight shift back when ET was a popular movie. One of the sheriff deputies on duty had the initials ET and around 2am I heard on their frequency, ET phone home. An unusual way to get the message out.

In a past life, ok an old job; my employer would put big Christmas wreaths high up on the building. One day when we came into work there were tracks in the snow up to one of the wreaths and it was gone. I guess they really liked the wreath; it wasn’t easy to get at it. We didn’t bother to call the police, since they weren’t that expensive. A couple of days later it had snowed and when we arrived at work and again there were tracks up to the building and our wreath had been returned? Leaving us to wonder why? Did they feel guilty, someone yell at them for taking it, or did they need it for something and returned it once they were done, what was the reason? This is one of the great mysteries in my life; it ranks up there with Amelia Earhart’s disappearance or who stole my cookies!

Had a customer inquiring about a specific coverage in their insurance. They kept reading the same line in the policy to me over and over, ignoring the rest of the paragraph that line was contained in. When I tried to explain the rest of the paragraph and how it works, they read me that one line again. If they would just take the line in context with the rest of the paragraph, they could answer their own question, but they were just fixated on that one line and wanted to hear nothing else. (I wanted to tell them, it’s a 12 page policy; it is not summed up in one line. So stop repeating it, it makes you sound stupid.) When you take something out of context you can interpret it any way you desire. It reminds me of the time someone argued with me over the meaning of “Maybe” in one of our policies.

My employer has installed a treadmill desk(?) You can do your work and exercise on the treadmill all at the same time, but you do have to make a reservation to use it. They want to encourage healthy practices. Oh boy I’m so excited, just one problem though, I’m a sloth, I don’t like exercise, I don’t move that fast. Besides, I’d rather have a raise.

Update (1/27/16): Apparently the treadmill doesn’t go faster than 2 mph and I’ve been told that’s to slow to get a good workout.  But being a sloth, that’s fast enough for me, wouldn’t want to sweat.

I’m in a fog today, how do I know this, I can hear the horn!

Once when I was much younger I was going out on a group camping trip. It was a Friday night and when we got out to the area where we were going to camp, I noticed that the local bars we passed were packed with cars. It was a rural area and there weren’t that many bars, but they were certainly busy. Then when we left on Sunday morning I noticed that the churches we passed were also packed with cars like the bars had been on Friday night. Perhaps they were asking for forgiveness for what they had done on Friday night? Just an observation I had that struck me as funny.

I’m in the never ending process of raising 3 children and I noticed a pattern in their care when they were infants. When we had our first child, if we were to leave the house with them we took 2 diaper bags with various other supplies left in the car. We could be out of the house for days and not run out of supplies. When our second child arrived, we still left the house with at least 1 diaper bag and it was reasonably supplied and there “might be stuff” in the minivan. Then after the third child arrived, times would come when we would have the need to be out and about. When a need would arise for this child the search would commence throughout the minivan. All in the usually vain hope of finding at least one diaper or something to drink that may have been left in the minivan from the time of the first two children (my minivan is a mess). By this point we had only brought the child with us.

I remember once going to Kmart to buy them a new winter jacket after they had got car sick and had thrown up on the old one and I had nothing else to put on them and the old one was well “gross”. Also for some reason that day they had on 2 pairs of pants? Which worked out, I took off the dirty pants and they then had clean(ish) ones on. Our parent preparedness level dropped a lot over the span of three children.

I prefer to remember him this way, the reality is too painful to comprehend.

If you take your cue(s) from stupid people, I am truly sorry for you and if you don’t know what cue(s) means, that might explain it. (CUE: psychology: A stimulus, either consciously or unconsciously perceived, that elicits or signals a type of behavior.)

Is this statement controversial? “Organized religion is for people who need help and direction in their lives when it comes to their faith.” I believe there is nothing wrong with this, many people benefit from it. There have been times where I’ve needed help and direction; I just have never found it in organized religion. This kind of organized faith has never seemed to work for me. I believe in God, but going to church has always struck me as a waste of time and I like to sleep in on Sundays. I have faith; I just don’t have the need to share it with other people. To me faith is a private thing. I show my faith by just helping people through The Quiet Hand, I’m not looking for recognition of my actions, and it’s how I express my faith, just by helping.

By posting this, just how many people will I piss off? Lately people don’t like opinions about religion, especially if it doesn’t match their own. Not that anyone reads my blog; I’m just the Would Be Hermit after all. But I do have a comment section though.

A judge in a divorce case wrote in their opinion about a man who was getting a divorce and had the misguided habit of driving by the ex’s house and flipping the byrd. A finger is worth a thousand words,” the judge wrote, “and therefore is particularly useful should one have a vocabulary of less than a thousand words.” I don’t think the judge had a high opinion of this individual.

When I informed a client that a payment check for the canceled ticket would be made out to their brother instead of them, they yelled at me, “But I paid for the ticket on my credit card, for my brother!” That maybe the case, but we didn’t insure you so we have to pay him. Deal with it!

“Thank you for your no help.” Goodly English? I think not, but a customer did utter these words to me.

I was paying for my haircut the other day when the barber asked if I wanted the senior citizen discount? What! No I don’t want the discount, I’m not that old! I was insulted when AARP sent me recruitment material before I reached their membership age. I’ll decide when I’m a senior citizen ok!

Back in my early twenties I was living in a village called Fishkill. For this area it’s not an unusual name, there are a lot of towns in the area with kill in their names. One day PETA came to town and insisted the village name should be changed to Fishsave, since they believe the killing of fish is cruel. (I think dead fish are yummy!) Of course the people of the village just laughed at them and it’s still called Fishkill to this day.

However, if PETA had done a “little” homework they would have discovered their assumption of the name was ignorant and kill doesn’t always mean kill. The area was originally settled by the Dutch (who don’t speak English obviously) way back in the 1600’s and kill is their word for creek. Yes, there is a creek running through the village, that must have had fish in it at one point (when I lived there not so much), so hence the name Fishkill or fish creek. There is also a Wallkill, Peekskill and Plattekill in the area, apparently there are a lot of creeks around and the Dutch weren’t that imaginative in their selection of village names. Also let’s not forget the Catskill Mountains, that can’t make PETA happy either. Remember never ass(u)me.

There is also state prison nearby, which might actually have killers in it. People sometimes consider murders to be animals based on their actions. Maybe PETA should have gone there since it is also named Fishkill and that name is cruel to the animals aka murders. Plus the state doesn’t have a death penalty, so it’s taunting the prisoners with the word kill in the prison name. Maybe it reminds them that their now up the kill without a paddle?

Respect, “is not earned by the use of your fists.” It just makes people fear you, not respect you. My experience has also shown that screaming at people is not going to earn you respect either, it just makes you an azzhole.

I love these lines from the song, Angry Young Man:

I once believed in causes too
I had my pointless point of view   Billy Joel

My 16 year old knows they have to be out the door by 7:30am to go to school or they’re in trouble with me. The other night they fell asleep on the couch and my 12 year old put on their jacket and back pack like they would for school and woke them up a 7:30pm yelling they were going to be late for school and I would get mad. The 16 year old got up in a panic to get ready for school when they noticed, its dark out. Morale of this story, don’t torture your 12 year old sibling because revenge is sweet.

I’m not as Extreme as this Guy!

He Actually Grew The Beard In Jail, He Was Clean Shaven While He Lived In The Woods, Go Figure?

The Strange & Curious Tale of the Last Hermit

How a mythical “hermit” criminal hid in the woods for decades

Pictures of His Camp

His Outcome

***************************************************

“Stop making stupid people famous”, as Plastic Jesus, a street artist has stated and spray painted on walls around LA.

I paid $17 for this policy and it doesn’t cover me, why? Think about it, you’ve answered your own question. If you pay $17 for flight insurance policy, and you’re surprised to learn there are severe restrictions as to what it will cover and that it does not cover you for any reason. After all, you only paid $17, what ya expect? Especially if you didn’t read it before you bought it. Information is power, ignorance is bliss. A cancel for any reason policy cost well over $100 dollars and even it has restrictions.

I don’t want to talk or text anyone today. Ironic that I’m on the phone with customers all day long “isn’t it”. How does a “Would Be Hermit” deal with people when they don’t want to? It’s becoming very difficult to function in this job.

I just want a quiet place without human contact. But my reality doesn’t allow this to happen. I was trying for some alone time yesterday and every time I got settled, someone interrupted. When I’m in this kind of mood it amazes me that people even seek me out. I feel like I should yell at them to leave me alone. But I have responsibilities and people do depend on me. It is all very frustrating at times! Right now I plan on ignoring my life, this is not good decision. I especially don’t want to contact “friends” who never initiate contact with me and all our conversations require me to contact them. What’s the point? I just don’t care to try anymore. You want to contact me, you have my number, if not, so what. Maybe I should just pack up my van with my camping equipment and go find some deserted spot in the woods to stay? The urge to do this is certainly there.

A “dog” shot their owner in the foot the other day. The dog was able to do this only after the “human” left the gun on the ground while hunting. The safety was off and the dog stepped on the gun and bang! Of course the dog’s is named Trigger, I didn’t make this up. I also think this person will need a refresher in gun safety and where to point a loaded gun, as well as some new toes.

Someone called with the following question; if I don’t buy the insurance and damage the rental car, who is paying for the damage? Ah, you! Sad part, this was a serious question. Unfortunately there is no magical collision damage fairy that appears to fix the car, if there was, there’d be no need for insurance.

Update (11/23/15): I never thought someone would ask this question again, I guess I think to highly of humanity, cause I got the question again?

People have been trending stupid for a long time. Now it seems that stupid wants out of the cage.” I agree. For when you think that stupid couldn’t get any stupider then you have underestimated how stupid, stupid can really get. But that’s humanity for you, when it’s decided to do something stupid; we go all in to complete the task. Just ask the two Russians who took a selfie of themselves with a grenade, after they pulled the pin. At least the phone survived to provide us with proof of their stupidity.

Selfie Vs Sharks

A Yugo was my first car right out of college. It was 2 years old when I paid $400 for it at a repo auction; I was the only one stupid enough to bid. If you think about it, it ended up in the auction because someone couldn’t afford the payments on this car, which at the time was probably $80 a month, that’s kind of sad.

The car had a little over 30,000 on it when I got it and had never had an oil change; so more sludge than oil. I drove it for 2 years until the electrical system fried itself for no apparent reason. It was like driving a buck board; I don’t know why they even bothered with a suspension system. The only redeeming quality for me was that it got 45 miles per gallon and at the time I was driving 40 miles one way to work, even then its tank was only 7 1/2 gallons. Plus with its Italian/Yugoslavia engineering (world renown) it was always breaking down. One time I stopped to pay a toll and it just died. My mechanic said the engine somehow flooded itself out? Its paint job was so bad that I would have water collecting behind it in pockets on the car, very bizarre. I also once hit a pot hole and my crappy radio just died, which really sucked.

Me and my spouse use to joke we were going to write a book; “How To Have Sex In A Yugo”, since it was not an impossible task, you just needed to be very flexible to pull it off. It was also for a very long time the newest car I had ever owned, says something about my finances, it’s replacement was a 1978 Mercury Monarch, which I got from my landlord in exchange for him connecting aka legally into my cable. It was by far a more reliable car than the Yugo ever was. So I basically ended up junking a 4 year old car, need I say anymore?

Most Unique Hybrid In The Country!

Yugo Commercial 1986

Someone else won the $42 million I was planning on winning in the lottery. So my Cabin In The Woods has gone from a decent 2 bedroom log cabin (my needs are simple) with plumbing on a good piece of land.   To a shack with hopefully a fireplace, semi reliable electric, nearby drinking water and an outhouse over a hole that isn’t too full of crap so that it doesn’t need to be replaced anytime soon. How about a place I can pitch a tent occasionally? Bummer! What’s a Hermit to do when the budget disappears?

Why is there grass on my roof?

I’m hardly right and mostly wrong so don’t question my judgment!

Had a gentlemen (I use the term loosely) call. He needed to cancel his cruise with his “girlfriend”. The reason being his “wife” got into an accident of some sort and he needed to take care of her. Well that’s nice of him, thou how’d he go about explaining it to the girlfriend? Did she take it well or cut his dick off?

He didn’t say if either woman was aware of the other. If they’re not aware, I wonder what will happen if they become aware? Also how do you explain going on a cruise without your wife, to your wife? What kind of cover story do you give to her in order to leave with your girlfriend and at what level of liar do you need to be at to convince her it’s a good idea? I’ve never had a wife and girlfriend at the same time, one woman at a time is enough for me, so I’m naïve about such matters.

I learned something very important today, don’t keep your eye drops with your super glue! As well as your hemorrhoid cream!

When you have a child, you want to watch them evolve into an individual. Watch how they handle their lives. Enjoy their successes and comfort them in their pain, until such time as you leave the world. You don’t, under any circumstance, want to lose them to an untimely death. As is said, a parent should never bury their child. However children do die, whether it is suddenly or by a long drawn out illness. This is a parent’s worst nightmare.

I have three children and as a parent I want to protect them always. But in reality you can’t, no matter how hard you might try. Eventually you have to set them free to experience the world, let them make their own decisions and keep in mind that life has many pitfalls and dangers.

I couldn’t imagine losing any of them to death. I don’t know how or if I even could handle it. How would this lose affect the rest of the family? Could the family even survive? Everything certainly will have changed forever. Boy would I want my Cabin in the Woods, but I don’t think that would even help.

I remember once when I was still selling insurance I had a parent sitting in front of me looking for a quote on auto insurance for their 17 year old who was going to take their road test. That night the 17 year old got in a car with their unlicensed and inexperienced friend behind the wheel. While traveling down a highway, a tire blew out and the car rolled over, ejecting and killing them. So one day the parent is looking into the cost of getting car insurance and the next day their planning a funeral. How on earth does a parent handle this? One bad decision by the child and their life ends and the surviving family’s life becomes unbearable. Why should this happen? I’m sure that parent wanted only the best for their child, but allowed, as any good parent should, the child to grow up and make their own decisions. Unfortunately children will make bad decisions and this one didn’t get to learn from theirs and thus paid the ultimate price.

A client called looking for the check we sent to their PO Box. I looked at the notes in the system and it had been returned to us by the post office as non-deliverable, no such person. That’s when they got real upset and stated that is impossible because, “my brother delivers the mail to those boxes, he would never send one of my letters back and I had told him to keep an eye out for my check.” Plus they stated “everyone knows me there”. Well if this is the case, either their brother is an idiot or someone there doesn’t like you. For the post office did return it.

Nothing has crossed my path lately that I can write about in any length. That’s a bummer! I like writing on any subject that gets my attention, even if no one else cares, I enjoy it. Just saying.

I could just write about Nothing for three paragraphs. That’s an option. I also Googled essays on Nothing, there was much to do about Nothing there. Wikipedia also has a page on Nothing. But who cares, it has Nothing to do with anything. Though I have discovered it’s a writing exercise to write about Nothing, that is at least interesting.

Post #50

10/14/15

I’m serious, but not, all at the same time.
Or
I can seriously consider something and ignore it, all at the same time.

Which way says it better? Or are they both moronic?

10/12/15

If I make an ass(u)mption that I’m right, you must prove me wrong. Because to ass(u)me makes an Azz out of U and Me.

10/9/15

Do you have a “cause” to support? I don’t have a “cause” I believe in perhaps be”cause” I don’t care too. Perhaps that’s my “cause”. It’s a lot of work not to care.

10/7/15

Went to my usual deli the other day to order french toast. (This deli is a one person operation) There were a couple of people ahead of me whose orders we already being worked on. I placed my order and waited. After me, three other people came in and also placed their orders. The people in front of me received their orders and left and I figured I’d be getting my next. However, the person who came after got their order before me? I was like; ok whatever, no big deal. Then the next person got their order, humm? Followed by the third. Now I’m pissed, did they forget about me? It didn’t seem so. Finally they come out with my french toast and advise me I might need to heat it up. Heat it up, that means my order was done, sitting by the grill while they proceeded to complete the orders for the people who came after me! I didn’t order cold french toast, so why was I being served it? Now I’m not one to complain, yell or make a scene; I express my displeasure with my feet. I left, leaving them with their cold french toast, never to darken their doorway again. I’m just a bit puzzled as to why this occurred? If you have completed the order why are you waiting until its cold to give to the customer? You’re running a business, pissing off repeat customers or any customers, is not a good strategy to remain in business.