I love it when someone says, well basically what you’re telling me and they then go on to say something I never said or that they could imply I said. Don’t paraphrase me by putting words in my mouth and actually listen to what I’m saying and stop making things up to suit your needs.

On one hike we noticed what looked like piles of what we ass(u)med was bear crap along the trail. But it then occurred to us that if it was, this bear was in severe distress, for there was a lot of crap. So we decided to inspect these piles a little closer. Turns out they were some sort of mushroom that was rotting and well, it looked like crap. That’s better than running into a bear that had the hershey squirts and is in a bad mood.

At one summer camp I was staying in a staff cabin. (Cabin In The Woods) For some reason we decided to set up a joke for the garbage man. There was a trash can that had a good seal at the cabin and we put nothing but food in it for six weeks and left it outside in the sun. Our plan was to let the food ferment and then at the end of camp, leave it by the dumpster to see the reaction of the state employees. Needless to say, success! Once they took the top off the can, it was like a bomb had gone off and the smell grossed them out. Was this nice of us, no, but then that’s what happens at summer camps, got to have some fun! This camp was also famous for staff underwear up the flag pole every morning.

You can’t impose a friendship on someone, either they want it or they don’t.

One of my coworkers was complaining about a client. They stated that no matter what they told them, this person would contradict them even though the client was clearly wrong in their ass(u)mptions. My theory goes like this; they just wanted us to confirm to them that they know more. Which they didn’t, it’s as simple as that. It probably makes them feel superior. After all; we all want to maintain our delusions of self.

Post #300

Had a denture wearer call in once, the dentures we paid for six months prior were destroyed; apparently his dog ate them. This brought forth the image of teeth sticking out of a pile of dog crap to mind. While that sucks, his policy only covers replacements once every three years, which sucks even more and was how they were going to consume their food in the near future. I felt bad for him, but there was nothing I could do.

Back in fifth grade I was assisting in a chemistry experiment and on my chart I had to write the word acid. Well I knew how to spell azz, so I added id to it and came up with assid, made sense to me. A spelling lesson was soon delivered.

As The Would Be Hermit, I don’t quite fit in anywhere, but then I’m ok with that. For I know and don’t really care.

Had someone call today and it became quickly apparent they were calling the wrong place. However they keep insisting on asking questions on things I couldn’t help with and they were being real nasty about it. Like it was somehow my fault they called the wrong place so in their reality that meant they could be rude about it. Finally totally frustrated that I couldn’t help they sarcastically said, “What can you do?” In a moment of pure inspiration, I hung up; I hope they found that helpful and thus allowing both of us to get on with our lives. Pointless arguments have to conclude somehow.

A coworker asked me if I could pronounce Ramyalohiea for them. Nope, I have trouble with Smith when they swap out the “I” for “y”, so pronouncing this name wasn’t happening.

 

Back in my college days my school had rooms full of things called typewriters so the students could type up their papers and become well acquainted with the smell of white out. I was very happy one day to find a typewriter at a garage sale for $10. So now I actually had one in my dorm room, it weighed a ton, but it was all mine. At the beginning of the semester the ribbon would be new and the words were clear, by the end, after being typed over 500 times, the words were light and not so clear. But it was better than writing out the paper by hand and the teachers could read it because my hand writing sucks. Actually had a professor complain once about the font on my typewriter, like I could change it.

I met my spouse in college, not because I owned a typewriter, that didn’t make you more attractive. The reason I bring this up is because they were often late in handing in papers. On one particular instance they had 2 hours to get the paper under the professor’s door or get a F. They had typed it before, but it had a lot of revisions and needed to be re typed. So they took all the odd pages and I took all the even and set to re type it on different typewriters. So the even pages had one font and the odd had another, thou I don’t think we referred to it as fonts, but rather type face. Unfortunately I don’t recall the grade they got or if they lost points for the different fonts, but it got turned in with minutes to spare and we’ve been working as a team ever since!

Near the end of my college career PC’s started to appear. The school I was at invested in McIntosh’s. My introduction to computers was by finding a floppy disk in my travels and going to the computer room and putting it in to see what was on it. Turns out; there was a word processing program and I was hooked and my typewriter became a huge paper weight. What a concept, being able to correct mistakes and not getting a buzz from the white out! Then having the ability to do a rewrite; without having to re type the entire page and just saving it to the disk and printing it out when I felt like it. Next I was able to obtain a truly revolutionary upgrade, spell check! Where had this been for two thirds of my college career!

Recently I watched the Steve Jobs movie and found out that McIntosh’s were considered a failure, I loved mine, though it was years before I could afford another Apple product after it died. I won’t even discuss how hard drives changed my life and saved my back.

I have no reason to stay here and no reason to leave, what a strange situation.

One of my younger siblings was getting married and it was noted that their future mother in law was the same age as our oldest brother. Both of them were still young enough to have children so it started people wondering that if they got married and had a child, how would that child be related to the rest of us? It’s my sister in laws mother, who’s theoretically marrying my brother. So the child is related by blood and by marriage right? Plus this would be my parent’s grandchild and sort of grandchild to my brother’s new spouse, no that’s wrong, I think? What if they had got drunk at the reception and then just got together and had a kid? This line of thought is making my head hurt!

When you move to a higher plain of existence, will there be anyone there who will give a sh*t? Is there an all-powerful entity or are we just in there random like? There are many theories as to what happens after death. Some prefer heaven, h*ll, paradise, afterworld or nowhere at all. I prefer to think we just move on to another existence.

An acquaintance of mine use to own a Subway but it didn’t slice it and went under. Now I know image is all important to them and at the time they were driving a Toyota SUV. The other day they passed me and are now driving a Land Rover SUV. That got me to wondering. I know Subway put them in a big financial hole, so have they resolved this? Or since their image is important for their reality, can they really afford that Land Rover? After all, driving a fancy car or living in a big house doesn’t necessarily mean they have the means to afford it. They may need that illusion even if they don’t have the money to put gas in that tank.

I’m a low end earner and a high end thinker. This pretty much hasn’t gotten me anywhere.

Steve called to start a claim, so I asked him if it was spelled with a “v” or “p”, his answer was “s”. Duh, that I know, so which is it Steven or the German version Stephen.

In rural areas fire departments tend not to be very busy. Well a couple of bored volunteer fireman in one small town really wanted to fight fires so they decided to burn down some vacant structures around town. Authorities eventually put two and two together and convicted them of arson and off to state prison they went. After serving their time they returned to where they had lived before. Being a rural area, the fire department was always in desperate need of man power and these arsonists were more than willing to help. Necessity being the mother of all evils, the fire department had more man power.

One nursing home I transported many patients to had their ambulance entrance through the basement. It was kind of like bringing the residents in through a dungeon. Pass the laundry room, storage etc. Fortunately many of the residents were unaware of their surroundings, but I felt bad for the ones who were. While bringing in one new resident they looked me straight in the eye and said “please kill me” and they were dead serious. They thought they were going home; apparently their family had lied to them. I always wondered how this conversation must have played out when and/or if the family came to visit them.

You’re their type of constituent, the ignorant idiot.

Back in my hometown a long while back someone decided to build a road through a swampy area and every time we got a decent rain this road will flood. It floods so often that the county just leaves the barriers there to use when they decide to close it. Well one bright individual figured he could drive his non amphibious pickup through the water so proceeded to go around the first, second and then third set of barriers. He soon realized this was a poor decision when the pickup stalled out and the cab started to fill up with water. So now perched on the top of the pickup he decided that instead of calling 911 he would try calling locale tow truck companies to come get him out of this predicament. Perhaps he was embarrassed? All refused the request to come once they realized where he was, they possessed more common sense than he did. Finally someone alerted the authorities who rescued him and now everyone knew. There was even a nice picture of him in the local paper sitting on top of the pickup and TV crews waiting for an interview. Maybe he should have not disregarded all those barriers; that water gets deep.

I live on a dead end street near the ocean.  One February the police chased a man down our street.  They hit my neighbor’s fence, jumped out of their car and ran for it; they then jumped into the canal on the next block over.  With police on both banks I heard one officer tell the suspect it was up to him if he wanted to come out on his own or be pulled out when he became unconscious, and yes there was ice in the water.  He decided to come out on his own after 10 minutes of thinking about it. His balls probably shrank to a microscopic size.

One of our clients offers a $25,000 benefit to cover the cost of emergency evacuation for medical care. One spouse of a sick individual thought they were told that there was a $25,000 benefit for lodging and expenses while waiting for their significant other to be released from the hospital. They proceeded to go a little crazy and spent $10,000 for one week in the Bahamas that they put on their credit cards. The actual coverage for this is $100 a day, up to a max of $500. They were very upset with us, stating they were told it was $25,000 by our service provider. Sorry but $9500 of that bill belongs to you. The insurance is not meant to provide you with another luxury vacation while you care for your spouse. This is an expensive example of why actually listening is a good thing. They heard $25,000, just not what it was for and then ass(u)med they hit the jackpot.

I’m here to help in any way I feel like.

I was once doing a standby at a major house fire when a stairwell collapsed under a fire fighter and they fell into the basement. They pulled him out and brought him over to the ambulance so we could transport him to the hospital. I think his major injury was to his pride. He kept complaining though that Humpty, a fellow firefighter was on those stairs for a half hour with no problem, he was on them for 5 minutes and they collapsed. Why did this matter, well Humpty was so nicknamed because he was kind of shaped like an egg and weighed roughly 300 Ibs., while the injured fireman weighed half as much. As I said, I think his major injury was to his pride and that the stairs didn’t collapse under Humptys perceived greater bulk.

One of the best things about camping is sitting around a camp fire. In order to enjoy this, one has to master the skill of not only starting the fire, but keeping it going. This is especially important if you are planning on cooking over it. On one trek we were sharing a lean too with 3 others who were on their first day of a 4 day trip. That night we planned on cooking over a fire. Our neighbors asked to use the fire after we were done to cook their steak. So we wrapped up our cooking and turned the fire over to them and went off to do something for about an hour. When we returned it became clear that they did not know how to maintain a cooking fire. Most of the coals were out and their meat was half cooked. Unfortunately for them they planned to cook all their meals over a fire and did not have the foresight to bring a camp stove. Turns out they really didn’t know how to even start a fire, they ass(u)med it would be easy, sure, yes, if you bring a flammable fluid, other than that, not so much. We gave them lessons before we departed, but I often wondered if they didn’t just end up following us out of the woods after the first time they actually tried to start a fire on their own.

When I first started out in EMS I was only doing 911 calls. Later I would work shifts to do non-emergency transports. I had done countless number of them when one day someone tipped me $20 for bringing his wife home. I was shocked; it never occurred to me that someone would tip for this service. To me it was just my job (sometimes passion) and I wasn’t dependent on tips for my income. They were just so happy with our assistance they felt the need to tip.

Please allow me to complete one thought before we move on to the next one, I don’t multi task.

When I first started to date my spouse, my future in laws would kid me about being a hick since I grew up outside The City, which they did to, they were just a lot closer. They would joke that I grew up with farm animals. I grew up in suburbia just like them. Though I do recall one time a cow walking down our street but had no idea where it had come from, it was differently a confusing event. Other than that, contact with farm animals was as rare occurrence for them as it was for me. Plus my spouse did get hit by a hay truck when they were six years old on their street; never saw a hay truck where I grew up. Finally there are towns near them that are named Hicksville and Muttontown, so I rest my case. Ok, I do want a Cabin In The Woods, but that makes me a hermit, not a hick.

I asked someone if they were hungry, their answer was; no I’m not hungry, what do you have? So which is it?

Post #275

Ate a steak on a camping trip that might have been just a bit under cooked; about 2am I awoke with bad abdominal pains and ran for the latrine. The hershey squirts were very intense. Suddenly the other end came alive and before I could think about it, I had reversed positions and had my face in the seat. At least it was dark out, but still kinda gross.

I like to think, but maybe I shouldn’t?

One early Sunday morning I got a call out for a personal injury to multiple children and I immediately recognized the street. (It was the one I lived on) Apparently three of my neighbors were up in these early hours getting ready to deliver the Sunday paper (paperboys, remember them). Well with all the parents still asleep they decided to do a science project of sorts. They cut off the end of an empty CO2 cylinder and packed it with gunpowder. Their thought process in this was it would launch like a rocket, but being none were in fact a rocket scientist, they actually built a grenade, they then proceeded to light it and…..

When we arrived at the scene, we had one child coming out of one house and the other patient from another. Shrapnel hit one child in the arm and went in deeply. I treated the second child that was struck in the eye. I was a newly minted EMT and I recall thinking, I know exactly how to treat this, cover both eyes to reduce movement and reduce damage. Both of these children needed surgery and the one I treated luckily didn’t lose their eye. The third child was the luckiest of the three. They were lying on the ground when the explosion occurred, apparently tired, and the shrapnel missed them.

Since this was the street I grew up on it was a quick response, I didn’t need to consult our directions book. (GPS not invented yet) Upon arrival we woke everyone up with our commotion, except my parents. They slept through the whole thing. Never heard any of the ambulances, fire or police; rushing up and down the street, sound sleepers I guess.

I often ask people to spell out their email address; they can be confusing as well as creative. Today someone took it a step further and spelled out gmail.com for me, good thing they did, that’s so uncommon.

Anyone remember the days of “scoop and run” ambulances? When ambulances and hearses were interchangeable; and funeral homes were often the provider. They would arrive at the scene, place you on the stretcher, then load you into the back and run like h*ll to the hospital. Hoping you would survive the trip so the doctors could save you. Ah, the g(l)ory days of EMS. Now they bring the hospital to you, a slight improvement.

How sad your sense of superiority most feel, especially when it doesn’t really exist other than in your mind.

If you have read my musings, you’ll have figured out I work with cruise lines. I had a person call in all upset and wanted everyone to give them money and they were planning on suing all those involved with their stupidity. Why were they so upset, simple, the cruise ship left them behind in the Bahamas. If you have ever been on a cruise, they tell you exactly when their sailing and it’s not a suggestion. This individual showed up 3 hours after the sailing time and was shocked to find an empty pier. They even admitted that they made no attempt to even let the ship know they were going to be late. They just ass(u)med that a ship of 5000 people would just wait for them, nope; they’re not as special as their mother may have lead them to believe. They didn’t even have a good reason for being late, they were just late. Cruise ships will wait for a short period, if; they know what’s going on, if not, they have a schedule to maintain and their not waiting around for one inconsiderate person. At least they were stuck in the Bahamas; it could have been an Antarctic cruise.

In another instance the passenger boarded the ship and put their luggage in their state room and then decided to tour the local area and left the ship. When they came back to the ship hours later, it was gone, surprise. One of the things they were telling us was that the cruise line stole all their stuff. No, not really, it was sitting in your room and now taking the trip you paid for. They were also upset that their passport was also left on the ship and because of that, they couldn’t fly to the next port of call. Again another case where they thought the ship wouldn’t dare leave without them, at least in their mind, in reality, the ship went bye bye. The crew was probably laughing that they left another dumbazz behind.

On a cruise I took to Bermuda it was past the sailing time and we hadn’t left port yet. Then a ferry from the other part of the island pulled up and two people jumped off and ran for the ship. Everyone on their balconies were clapping and cheering them on.   But I’m sure the ferry had notified the ship they had the passengers. In this case they didn’t miss their ride home.

One of my siblings used to run a water company in my hometown. To make some extra money they would hire me to go out and read the water meters, a thankless task. A lot of the basements I went into were far from clean. In one I had to dig through a mountain of saw dust to find the meter, others would be hidden behind walls or buried under piles of junk. But the worst I ever encountered was the one where the cats had used the entire basement floor as a litter box. There was so much crap on the floor that I couldn’t reach the meter without stepping in it. So I figured since I was only making minimum wage I’d just put higher numbers in the meter book from the last time the meter was read and I left wondering if the last person had even bothered to read the meter or had guessed like me. I got this house a second time, but instead of ringing the door bell, I left a read your own d*m meter ticket, they could walk through the crap instead.

A lot of people would ask me why the water meter wasn’t located on the outside of the house so it wouldn’t be necessary for us to come in, ah, winter, water freezes, most never thought of that. Seems obvious to me, just saying. Also when I knocked on the door and they asked who’s there I of course answered water department. However more than once people heard fire department, accent perhaps?

I won’t have wanted success early in my life and then spend the rest of it trying to recapture it, that’s kind of like chasing your own tail. Look at Debbie (Debra) Gibson; she had 2 successful albums before her early 20’s and then society moved on and left her talent behind. Now in her forties, she’s still trying to recapture that magic. This is kind of sad if you think about it.

You may be able to pick your friends, but you can’t pick their stupid behavior; that’s up to them.

You have to open your eyes to the variety of ideas and religions in the world, for if you think you have the one, you’re only fooling yourself.

I took a call from an older gentleman and it was quickly apparent his hearing was sub pair. He wanted to cancel his cruise so after I pulled up his info I asked him if he was traveling with Alice to confirm I was in the correct account. His response was no I’m traveling with Princess. So I rephrased the question and asked it again, this time his answer was who? Apparently I was on speaker, because then I hear “he’s asking about me”, from Alice. I just broke down laughing; it was just one of those moments where it’s good to have a mute button.

My 16 year old asked for a new pair of sneakers. I asked them what’s wrong with the old ones. They said they “might” get holes “in the future”, I advised; let’s wait for the holes, no Air Jordan’s here, not in the budget.

A month later they came back to me and one sneaker has one small hole in it and they were looking for new sneakers. I advised I wanted them to become a lot holier, like the Pope Holy.

I’ve retired from doing anything meaningful.

Responded to a call where the patient was located on the third floor of an apartment building with no elevator. While assessing the patient they were talking to their family in Spanish. Apparently they had hemorrhoids and the family was telling them we had to carry them down the stairs to the ambulance. While my partner and I are both Caucasian they ass(u)med we didn’t speak Spanish, wrong. My partner thou of Irish decent, grew up in Columbia. So we became a pain in their azz and hit every bump on the way to the ambulance. They’d wished they had walked down to the rig or drove themselves, it wasn’t an emergency. When we dropped them off at the hospital my partner then gave their report to the nurse and said good bye to the patient, all in Spanish, definitely got a look of surprise from the patient.

My employer has started a Knowledge Exchange. I know these people; I don’t think I want to exchange any knowledge with them, especially if I have to learn some of the things they know. The thought of this is just scary to me!

A lady called and wanted to know if they had a “dramatic” change of mind about going on their trip, would that be a covered reason for a full refund. Advised not even a normal change of mind is covered.

In the end your authority is only temporary and you may live to regret we ever met.

Someone wanted to claim $75 worth of shampoo the TSA made them throw out. Problem is they can’t prove it and we require proof. Next time pack the shampoo in your checked in bag and not in your carry on. Were they expecting to have a hair emergency on the flight? I know hair can be important to some people, me I comb it so I don’t look like Einstein and move on.

During my dental days (sounds like dog days) with Medicaid, people would call in to request an approval for an emergency root canal. Then they would get upset when they couldn’t get it. We understood they’re in pain, but, the tooth was telling them there was a problem and they chose to ignore it. Now that the tooth is screaming out doesn’t constitute an emergency on our part. You need to listen to your teeth and not dawdle when it’s speaking.

Besides the State didn’t want to pay for root canals from a normal request, so they certainly weren’t going to allow us to approve an emergency one without seeing x-rays first. But if the patient wanted an extraction, we’re good to go.

I’ve been told my taste in music is eclectic. Perhaps so, I prefer women singers, but in the end it’s the singing voice I want to hear, the personality connected to it is irrelevant to my listening interest.

I dwell on everything and accomplish little.

Many moons ago I worked with disability insurance. One of the questions the form asked was if your disability was work related. Too often pregnant women putting in for their maternity leave would mistakenly check yes when answering, very possible, but usually not. Company policy then required us to call the claimant and verify if the pregnancy was work related or not. This usually led to an embarrassing conversation with the pregnant lady and many laughs on our end.

One adjuster approved a pregnancy claim, but instead of authorizing the normal 6 weeks of payments, they authorized 6 months’ worth. Luckily for them, she was honest and returned the check.

I asked someone if their flight was domestic or international. Their answer was regular, what? I wasn’t asking them what gas to put into their car.

We’re a one click society, but not everything can be done with one click. Sometimes effort is required.

Post #250

I like to hide in my hole at work. Only leaving to eat and occasionally to use the bathroom (what, I have a trash can). Hermit in a cubicle perhaps or maybe cubicle hermit?

One hospital I use to transport too has 2 towers built into a side of a hill. When they were connected some genius decided that the 5^th floor in one tower would be the 4^th floor in the opposite tower, even though they were the same level. More than once we came out to the wrong unit because it was built to confuse. These towers were built long before I cared, so we couldn’t complain to the idiot who designed them.

Hiker who went missing on Appalachian trail survived 26 days before dying.

Read Story

This is a story of why bringing 3 pairs of pants on a week’s hike may not have been enough. On one trip my companion had some slight issues with their pants. In the beginning of the hike they cut through the tall grass to partake in the latrine, should have used the path. It was a typical unmaintained unit set up by the State and people were electing to crap in its vicinity instead of in it (what smell?). Once they made their way to it they realized their pants were covered in crap. After being grossed out and some swearing about people being pigs, they carefully stripped them off and deposited them down the hole and came back to camp and put on another pair. A few days later the second pair decided to self-ventilate and split down the back and were tossed into the fire. Now down to their last pair they were ascending a mountain when they dislocated their knee. The rangers then came in to retrieve them and were then flown to the local hospital. While there, to gain access to the injury, the nurse cut the last pair off. Now they were 150 miles from home and had no pants. You would think that 3 pairs would have been more than enough for a 1 week trip, guess not. When they were released, a nurse took pity on them and used safety pins to put the pants sort of back together for the trip home. Today they would probably just give them scrubs, but it was the 70’s and they didn’t exist yet.

During the hike we had an ongoing joke that we couldn’t wait to get out of the woods so we could eat real food again, dehydrated food back then was just so yummy. Once our companion was at the hospital they were having issues with getting the sedation to work, with all that adrenaline pumping through their system. They later told me that they finally realized that the sedation was kicking in when they looked at the nurse and seriously asked, “Do you serve real food here?”

The next issue we encountered was that of 3 backpacks and only 2 hikers and a five mile hike to the car. After discussing our options, we decided to wire the backpack to my siblings backpack and carry it out. (Neither one of us wanted to redo the 10 mile round trip to go back to get the backpack) This approach had one major drawback though, center of gravity. There were many instances on the hike out where we almost needed the rangers to come retrieve another injured person. You might wonder why the rangers didn’t take his pack with them, it was at our base camp and not up on the mountain.

One final aspect of this trip, I was sitting on the top of the lean too we were staying in looking at the surrounding mountains. A girl approached and asked politely if I had any cigarettes she could have. Being I don’t smoke, I answered no and this is when I was glad I was sitting on the roof of that lean too. She was no longer an angel and went ballistic with a nicotine fit, accusing me of not sharing; I think she might have attacked if I had been on the ground. All I had to say is she was a long walk from the nearest store and I was glad I wasn’t in her group.

I need to withdrawal from my life and move to a Cabin In The Woods, I’m not dealing well with people these days and answering the phone all day at work isn’t helping my cause any.

They said I think I get it, but after speaking to them, I think they don’t.

They smile when they see me and now their leaving. This person has an unexplained effect on me and they smile when they see me. Just the act of being happy to see someone is an amazing thing, especially to its recipient. Now their leaving, moving on, and I won’t get that smile anymore. Why do I let people get close? They always leave and they smile when they see me, showing they value me.

One of my former overlords had a thing about paper clips. They stated we were wasting them so they were no longer going to buy them, despite the fact they were a necessary item in our work. So paper clips became like gold and were hoarded and rarely shared.

Once I left that job I decided to be a bit dickish and ordered 2000 paper clips to be delivered to one of my former co-workers. When my ex-boss saw them they apparently flipped. They even went so far as to call Staples to see who ordered them. When they discovered it was me they eventually allowed the others to use them. What else could be done, they could no longer yell at me, thou they did try to by email which I deleted without reading.

When I started my new job, I was going by the mail room and saw a large bowl of paper clips and took a picture of it. I then forwarded it to my former co-workers with the heading; I found a pot of gold!

Recently I texted my friend over there and asked if they needed more paper clips, their answer was short and to the point, “don’t you dare, I don’t need the grief!”

Once went deer hunting with my father after the doctor had put him on water pills. We blamed him for not seeing any deer that day because he pissed on every other tree in the woods and they smelled us coming.

Actually we were terrible hunters; it was just easier to blame him. Anyhow we really went hunting to go to our favorite dinner afterward.

I was watching the TV show “Alone” the other day when one of the contestants confessed the following: I was dreaming that my wife kissed me so I kissed her back and then woke up to find a slug on my lips. Now that’s camping! Even your shelter can’t keep the locales off you.

The only way to beat authority is to become the authority.

Claimant called to cancel a flight due to an illness of their cousin. We advised them that under the definition of immediate family members, cousins are not covered. Their answer was, well I’ll be marrying them soon, and then they’ll be my immediate family. This just makes me think of 3 eyed babies.

One time at summer camp I was sitting in the nurse’s office when I heard a couple of teens of the female persuasion outside. They were talking to each other saying, he’s not going to know what we need and they were very hesitant in coming through the door. They finally screwed up the courage to enter and before they could say a thing I said: What you want is on the top shelf, there are brown paper bags there also, so take what you need. They were amazed; little did they know they weren’t the first young ladies I’d assisted with this issue.

A neighboring ambulance service got a call for an attempted suicide that just wasn’t meant to happen. This individual was at work as a short order cook when they decided to slit their wrist; luckily they did it the wrong way. When they realized that wasn’t going to work they ran out of the dinner and into the path of a tractor trailer, which managed to stop just short of hitting them. Determined to succeed, they then decided to jump into a nearby river. Being it was February they probably thought the cold water would finish the job. However by this point the fire department was there and pulled them out of the river and the cold water had stopped the bleeding from their wrist. None of this situation is funny, but either someone/thing was looking out for this person or…

Why do people insist on calling from the nosiest place they can find and then get all upset when we can’t hear what their saying and have to ask them to repeat themselves?

A customer knowing their not allowed in Canada decided they liked the ticket price they saw on an internet website and thought it would be a good idea to book a flight with Air Canada. The name should have alerted them to the fact that the transfer hub is in Canada. Common sense you would think.

I was talking to an obnoxious claimant on the phone about their check and felt like telling them; the check is in my back pocket for safe keeping. I’ll mail it to you as soon as I get a chance to cash it and take my transaction and handling fee of 99.1% azzhole.

I really don’t need all this information you’re giving me, so pleaze just shut up!

I believe that once I’ve learned something new during the day, then I don’t have to do anything after that.

One way to find out if you can handle a career in EMS is to do a ride along with an ambulance. On one shift they had an observer that might have seen more than they bargained for. They got called out on a suicide/heart attack. One apparently depressed individual decided to shoot themselves in the head behind a shed and left a note for their spouse with arrows pointing to where they were. Once the spouse realized what the other had done, they started to have chest pains. No one ever saw that observer again, wonder why?

We paid for a trip delay for an individual.  They called in upset because we denied the extra kennel charges for their dog.  Their reasoning they presented was that it was a pet hotel and the plan covers the cost of hotels.  It does, but that’s people hotels, not pet.  Again they argue that the policy doesn’t say it doesn’t cover pets.  The policy doesn’t say anything about pets, because it’s a people policy, not a pet, don’t ass(u)me.  I understand people see their pets as their children, but we’re meanies and we don’t care.

My employer does sell pet health insurance thou, I felt like transferring the claimant over to them, a good lead for a sale.

“I was under the impression” is just another way of saying “I ass(u)med”.  Either way you say it, still a bad idea.

Someone once said to me, “Have a good night”. What if I don’t want to, what if I want to have a miserable night?

You’ve taken an intelligent conversation and reduced it to a stupid one. Once you crossed that line, I’m no longer interested in listening. I have issues when it comes to stupidity and a low tolerance for listening to it.

They said, “I think I have the answer, but I don’t want to think”. I don’t even know how to comprehend that statement.

Post #225

My employer wants us to conclude a phone conversation with the phrase “is there anything else I can do for you?” You know good customer service and all that crap. I hate saying it for it tends to open a can of worms, I’d rather just move on, I’m done, no need to prolong it. I recently concluded a call with an 89 year old man with this phrase and his answer was “no, I need a woman for what I want”. I didn’t need to know that or have that image put in my mind.

Why do people insist on giving me so much information, which I didn’t ask for, especially when they have a simple yes or no question?

A claimant started off the conversation with; it’s not cool to have been on hold for 25 minutes waiting for an answer from you, which I knew wasn’t us. Turns out they were on hold at one of our clients and they decided to transfer them to us for some reason and not tell them, so that’s not cool. Me, I’m Joe Cool.

Question: Can I have your name please?

Answer: So you want the name of the passenger?

Response: Are you even listening to me?

 

I have conversations like this all day long, people just don’t listen!

If you’re pregnant and have booked a cruise, many of the cruise lines are issuing credit if you don’t want to go because of the Zika virus. Well one client was going with his pregnant girlfriend and they decided to cancel. The cruise line then requested some medical information to prove the pregnancy before issuing the credit. During the process of gathering this information it came out that he was not the father of his girlfriend’s unborn child, so now we have a Maury moment, “Ur Not The Father”. I won’t have wanted to be there when that info came to light.

I love it when people threaten us with their lawyer, like that is somehow magically going to change the reality of their situation and put a scare into us. We have lawyers to, who are on salary. So we’re paying them whether their working or not. Are they doing the same? Their lawyer can call ours and they can discuss the reality of the policy with billable hours piling up for them and our billable hours still won’t exist. I wonder if the people who make these threats take that into consideration.

I asked someone where they live and their answer was “I am here”, ok, so where is here? Is it Earth, some other planet or dimension?

I took a claim from one of our clients for the thief of a personal item. This bright American (not really) got off their cruise ship in Brazil wearing a gold necklace with a Krugerrand hanging from it. Then to their great surprise, someone robbed them of it. Hello, why didn’t they just wear a sign, naive American, please rob. The money from it probably feed a family for a week. What’s the price of an ounce of gold this week? The maximum benefit is $200.

I asked my oldest to take down the Christmas lights on the house. They didn’t want to, so they got a hold of my spouse’s phone and texted the next child down the line that they had to take the lights down, representing themselves as my spouse. This did not go over very well, so they may not make it to that next birthday.

Give me plenty of misinformation, so I can build up my false hope and make an uninformed decision.

Had something terrible happen to me today; my phone died! Not just a dead battery, but it died. I woke up an hour later than normal since my alarm didn’t go off and my children were late for school and my whole world was in turmoil. Perhaps if I was in my Cabin In The Woods, this loss of technology won’t have matter. But being I have responsibilities, it unfortunately does. Maybe I should have taken the hint this weekend when it stated to turn itself off and then back on.

 

 

When my oldest was about 5 they decided to give themselves a haircut. So I took them to the barber in the hope their hair could be restored to some semblance of normal. While leaving the shop they looked at me with a sad face and said, “I thought they could put it all back”. The barber tried to do a good cut, but my child did a real hack job and their hair turned out really bad. Good news, they never did that again.

I dodged a bullet; they gave some of my co-workers more responsibility, aka promotion, but no raise. That was so close! I just love doing more work without any reward. You want more from me, pay me more, simple concept that most employers just ignore.

I have exacting standards; they are whatever I come up with at the time.

Someone started off the conversation by saying “I don’t know if I like your company”. My answer while professional should have been, “I don’t know if I give a sh*t”. Was I supposed to get upset because they might not like my employer? Should that thought keep me up nights?

My spouse will tell you they raised four children, only three of which they actually gave birth too.

I have a co-worker that I’m of the opinion has some issues (don’t we all). The first thing they ever told me was one of their children had died of cancer. I’m sorry for your loss, but what? This is not an ice breaker topic when you first meet someone. Yes you might discuss your children, but not the dead ones, at least not until you get to know the person better. I kind of remember from my psych 101 class that this is a major red flag. They seem like a nice person, but boy I hope their getting grief counseling.

Stop talking in circles, your making me dizzy!

 

 

 

 

A client called in to file a claim with a certain reason for cancelling their flight in mind, which I knew wasn’t covered as soon I heard it. As I explained the specified reasons for coverage, they realized their original reason wasn’t going to fly, like them. Then their reason for canceling started to evolve to match the policy. I wonder what the final reason will have evolved into once the claim is submitted and how were they going to creatively prove it?

My children go to summer camp every year with their youth group.  It’s a nice camp and has a shower installed at each tent site.  The newest children in the group are referred to as first years.  The only contact they want with water is the lake.  So we have instituted Wash Up Wednesdays where any child that hasn’t showered yet is required to do so, swimming in the lake is not an acceptable excuse, since no soap/shampoo was involved.  That way; we can truly tell their parents that they took one shower or at least actually entered the shower.  By the end of the week, I’m glad I have no sense of smell.

I remember a parent of a first year coming up to me after camp; they had packed their child a change of clothes for every day of the week and had placed them in plastic bags in daily order in the child’s trunk.  When they picked the child up, the cloths were still in that order and never touched.  The child had basically worn the same cloths all week, even after we made them take a shower.  They were having too much fun to do silly things like change their cloths.  By the end of the week they were Pig Pen from Charlie Brown along with many of their peers.