A famous woodsman once said, “I’ve never been lost, only a mite bit confused.

Thanksgiving use to be a big family event.  We’d travel to my parents and meet up with the rest of the family that we hadn’t seen all year.  Then when my parents couldn’t do it, my sister took over.  It was a weekend event with many traditions.  Well now my sister isn’t healthy enough to do thanksgiving, so it’s just a big meal at my house with the spouse and kids.  Basically just another day.  It’s so sad that with the passage of time things come to an end.  I think one of my many nieces and/or nephews needs to step up and restart this tradition, it would be nice.

It’s not that I’m not paying attention to the world; it’s just that I’m not engaged at this time.

Just because you make up a name for something, doesn’t make it more important than its proper name.  After all it’s still not real.

Post #1500

I had an idea for this blog.  I forgot to write it down.  Now it’s gone into the murky parts of my mind never to be heard from again.

An office sent in a form with the birth year written as “17” and ass(u)med we would know they meant 1917.  Then they called to correct it and made a sarcastic remark about us not working with pediatrics.  I corrected them, yah we do (my highest professionalism).  A strong desire for my Cabin In The Woods then overcame me.

I’m inching ever closer to the 100,000 word count.  Should I be excited?

I know you like the sound of your own voice.  But to the rest of us your constant stream of crap is getting annoying.  Please zip it!

I’m glad you think we’re on the same page, but unfortunately were looking at different books.

You’ll see the phrase “hand crafted” on food labels.  That must drive the germaphobes crazy to know someone touched the food they desire and now can’t eat out of an irrational fear!

I follow the problems that aren’t, why not.

When you call a doctor’s office, the first thing you might hear on their phone system is, “If this is a true medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911”, well duh, why the f*ck are you calling them to begin with?  Do you think they’re going to drop everything and come running to your aide?  That’s what EMS is for.

One of my older siblings raised pigeons when they were growing up and discovered somethings about pigeon reproduction.  First they learned how to tell male from female pigeons, something to do with the bone structure down there, so exciting, not really.

Then during the first winter they felt sorry for the birds since it was so cold out.  So they installed heat lamps to keep them warm.  Well that apparently singled the pigeons to start lying eggs.  Who knew, so the lamps were removed from the coop.  Thou the winter made it easier to clean up after them.  They would sit in the same spot to keep warm and it would all pile up behind them, as opposed to being everywhere when it was warmer out.  As a side benefit, our garden had a lot of fertilizer.

They also raised a breed called a “roller”, the pigeon would fly along and then proceed to roll and crash to the ground.  Knowing this, once when my friends were visiting the pigeons were flying overhead and I acted like I was shooting at them.  On cue one of the rollers dropped to the ground.  They were shocked.

You’re talking from a void of actual experience.  How about you go get some.

Your words are falling on deaf ears, for they stopped listening long ago.

It’s all your fault!  Not if I can pin the blame on you first!

Someone claimed they didn’t make the mistake so their co-worker shouldn’t slander them.  Turns out they did, so the slander was appropriate.

While they suffer from self-doubt, ineptness and stressing out from the small things in life, they make up for it with their arrogance and constant babbling about nothing but their inane ass(u)mptions about their world.

I have a fantastic memory, when it suits my needs.

I’m going to get myself a big office with a big desk to sit behind.  From which I’ll make thousands of indecisions.  Or in other words, move into my Cabin In The Woods.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m never going to do things your perceived correct way.  I’ll get there by my own route just the same thank you.

I was sitting in the families Olds Cutlass on a two way street waiting to make a left hand turn when the traffic cleared.  I happened to glance in my rear view mirror and noticed another car coming up at a fast clip and clearly not slowing down.  Since this car had a real engine, I floored it as the other driver realized I was there and hit their brakes.  But it was by my cars acceleration the accident didn’t happen, plus I was paying attention to my environment.

 

You’ll do it at your speed; I’ll do it at mine.  It doesn’t matter what the speed is, as long as there is one and we get there.

We now have a Roomba; it has 4 legs and is called Bailey.  Our floors have never been so clean.  Can’t say the same for the backyard thou.

I wanted you to do it and if I have anything to say about it, you still won’t be doing it.

A couple of days after Sandy hit our area I was leaving work (we had a generator) and someone else was exiting the building complaining that the bank on the first floor was closed and they couldn’t access their money since there was no power, 90% of the island didn’t have it.  Well duh, you should have thought of that before the hurricane hit and not ass(u)me everything would be the same.  Heck you couldn’t even get gas and if you could find it, they wanted cash.  In times like that Cash Is King.  If you don’t have it in hand, you’re out of luck.

I need to know what I knew, you understand?

It’s interesting to watch the new people complain about the old at work, especially when the senior person who has put in the time has more liberties than them.  With seniority come privileges.  You stay here long enough and perhaps you’ll get them to.

You’re so busy trying to assign blame for a problem, perhaps maybe that energy would be better spent on just fixing it.

Post #1475

I bought some food that had uncured pepperoni on it.  Why?  I want my food cured before I eat it.

It’s hard to install a trait in another that you don’t possess.

Back in the early 70’s when my grandmother passed after a long illness my grandfather was buried in medical bills.  So he apparently made a deal with the State to pay the bills and in return they’d get his house once he could no longer live there.  I think he got the better end of that deal, for he did no maintenance on it, including raising the one corner that always sank into the spring.  So by the time we moved him out you could place a marble in one corner of a room and it would roll easily to the other.  The place was a dump.  The State probably had to pay someone just to take it off their hands.  Unfortunately, it had once been a gorgeous Victorian, complete with all the wood work; he turned it into a flop house.

I won’t make a mockery of your beliefs and rituals by participating in them like they matter to me.

I don’t blindly support them.  I’m aware of their flaws and accept them.  This is why I support them just the same.

What if you have what you don’t need and need what you don’t have?

Actually read what I wrote down and don’t try to put your spin on it.  If I wanted you to do that then I wouldn’t have been specific in writing it down.

Did someone once tell you that you were special and would be King of the World?  But in reality you’re just King of the Turds instead.  My how your reality sucks.

If I didn’t go to work today, it might inconvenience people, but the world wouldn’t come to a crashing stop.  Such is a day in my life.

I’m the leading voice on silence. Hear me roar, pleaze!

If everyone is piling out of the in, perhaps going in is a bad idea at this time?

People can be dead serious about things that are considered a waste of time, case in point this blog.

I have great situational awareness, there are many situations in my life that I’m not aware of.

I predict something will happen and my predictions are always somewhat true.

My youngest woke me up at 7:40 this morning, nice to sleep in, except, their bus comes at 7:00, opps.  I guess I was just tired.

It’s kind of become like a maze at work with the installation of a bunch of new cubicles in an area that was wide open before.  As such, I found the cheese.

They want us to work as a team, but 2 of the 3 members of this team don’t even talk to each other.  So that’s going to work out well, probably not.

I’m sure there’s a reason for it.  But I’m surer that I still don’t care.

I like it here; all I have to do is get food, create shelter and acquire water and then purify it.  No stressors what so ever.  It’s better than reality, where I take it all for granted.

My nose gets more exercise than me lately.  For right now it’s running like crazy.

You thought you had the winning strategy, because you thought you knew how to play the game.  However someone else thought differently about the same game and decided to change the rules by catering to the lowest common denominator and out right lying, while you only wanted to stretch the truth.

What are the secrets to staying sanitary when everything around you has gone to sh*t?

It was yours to loose, congrats on your success?

A patient calls and starts the conversation, “My doctor wants you to test my balls”.  Ok?  We do that, so I explain the process and their shocked that we need his swimmers to test, apparently he didn’t know that part.  I wonder what he thought we were going to do?  He cumes in and we fondle his sack?  His doctor could do that.

I’m the old fart with some supposed wisdom and experience.  You’re the young arrogant sh*thead who thinks they know it all.  Thusly that’s why you don’t understand their decisions.  Because in your ignorance the concept eludes you.  Perhaps you should find a Cabin In The Woods to think it over?

Post#1450

If you feel the need to assign blame, that’s up to you.  But remember some of the blame always reflects back on you.  No one’s totally blameless.

They want to know if I’m prepared.  I’m as prepared as I am at this point.  Can I be more prepared, yes, that will come if time allows it.  Either way I’m in no hurry.

Someone just told me I sound like John Cusack on the phone.  I beg to differ, I looked him up, I’m older, so he sounds like me!

In the years we had a doe permit the saying would go, “If it’s brown it’s down”.  However it was a rare occasion that actually happened.  The only thing usually wrapped in brown that was in any danger was our lunches.

That response is right up there with pretty and stupid.

I’m certain there’s something out there that’s beyond my comprehension.  But that doesn’t mean I have to or should worship it.  Or it requiring me to worship it or even listen to it with its hand out asking for money in order to worship it, if I were to choose to do so.

You can’t claim I’m in your space, when it wasn’t yours to begin with.  Pleaze look up the word communal.

Had a person of child bearing age call about how fast we could get their pregnancy test done.  For they were demanding we do it ASAP, for a very important reason, they had a party tomorrow that they wanted to drink at and if we didn’t get them the results before the party and they missed the chance to drink we were in big trouble.  The only one who might be in trouble is any perspective child had by this individual.

Practice makes for better, not perfect, just better.

People are always complaining that they don’t get enough sleep.  Well I’ve decided to be the one person in the world who does!  Hence my need for a Cabin In The Woods, I now have a goal to achieve!  Bring it on!

Someone once said to me, you look like you belong here.  To me, not really, I’m just passing thru with my ultimate destination yet to be determined.

In my continuing saga with outhouses, one of the worst one I ever used had a leak in the roof that dripped directly onto the toilet paper turning it into a soggy mess.  As stated previously, I don’t dispute the purpose of an outhouse, but you enter, see the toilet paper, then do your business and only then discover its true condition, that really sucks.  And I’m sorry, dried up leaves just don’t cut it.  This is when a Sears & Roebucks catalog would have been great.

It’s not that you’re a bad person; rather it’s just that you’re a rather terrible person.

He says, I can see where you were once pretty.  To that she responds; have you always been this ugly?  His response, maybe so, but I’ve always been able to maintain my look, (too bad you couldn’t) and also I’d like to welcome you to the club.  A conversation between narcissist?

I was told to sit down and catch my breath.  How am I supposed to do that if I’m sitting?  Maybe it’ll run to my Cabin In the Woods?

Let’s try not to convenience you, let’s try a little inconvenience instead.  Consider it a growth experience for you.

So you’re all attitude and no substance, how nice for you.

The person who mounted this to the tree misses the whole point of the woods; it’s supposed to be dirty. If that bothers you, perhaps stay home in your gem free bubble.

Got a call for the test code for allergies to grass, but with the individual’s accent I didn’t hear the “GR”, so I thought I heard azz.  Now we do test for issues with your azz, we just use more polite words for it.

 

 

Whinny, self-entitled idiots who think the world revolves around them and that it owes them everything are ruining it for the rest of us.

Once a day keeps my bank account from going away.

If their paying you, you have to do it their way, because, well, their paying you and can tell you how and when they want it done.  If you can’t grasp that concept and insist on doing it your way, you might be in for a surprise.

They said; “I’m dressing for a look”, so ok I get it, you’re trying for slob, got it.  However you’re also trying for a job and impressions are important.  Maybe try for a look to get the job first and then share your desired look with them after you get hired.

I have a large Oak tree in my backyard that has become a battle ground between my new dog and the squirrels.  They are trying to get to the acorns and my dog is trying to get them.  My spouse is amazed by the brazen attempts made by the squirrels, calling them kamikazes.  They sit just outside the dogs range and tease her.  The rest of the time the dog is sitting like it’s standing guard over the acorns, daring the squirrels to bring it on.  Then I watched a Mexican standoff, the squirrel was within reach of my dog starring at her and she was staring back, she lost.

The war has escalated; she actually caught a squirrel and had it in her mouth before it escaped.  My child who witnessed it said they never heard such noises from a squirrel before.  I sure neither had the dog, that’s why the squirrel most likely got away, she had it in her mouth and the noise freaked her out.

One kamikaze squirrel was running back and forth on the top of the fence with the dog chasing it.  It did it about 5 times before it jumped into a tree, what a tease.  Another time I let her out and there were a smorgasbord of squirrels in the backyard.  She lost them all trying to decide which to chase.

One squirrel down; she caught and injured one today.  Apparently its noises didn’t deter her this time.  My youngest had to put it out of its misery.  I’m not surprised, but poor thing.  But she was determined and was successful.

First come, best served.

Post #1425

I asked a lady the first letter of her last name and she said “P for pig”, and I was a bit surprised by the choice of that word.  The fact is I don’t know anything about the person I was talking to on the phone and so of course I made some ass(u)mptions about her response.  Might I not wonder if this person has weight/self-esteem issues and her subconscious was slipping thru?  Or she could have just been hungry and was planning on pigging out at lunch?

Heard a co-worker state as they were leaving; “The A-team is going home”.  Yeah, pain in the Azz team for certain.  Their just difficult for no other reason than they can be.

I had a co-worker complain that I was using spaces instead of dashes between numbers, silly complaint, but ok.  Then she complained that I was using slashes between letters and shouldn’t.  Ok so I can’t use slashes, but you want me to use dashes, my, the problems you are having with your co-workers.  After all I’m accomplishing the same result, just not in their way, I believe they need a sense of control, I know I need them to bug off.

They have an educated opinion, but even with that, they still could be wrong.

There are two sides to every story and I rather think you’re over dramatizing yours to win my favor thou.

My blog has been live for two years now and still no one has really noticed it.  Except for that web service trying to sell me something to increase visitors, I find that ironic in that they clearly didn’t read my blog.  So in the world of a Would Be Hermit, it continues to be a complete success.  Thou I do wonder what that one visitor from Martinique was searching for that they arrived on this blog?  Do they have a Cabin In The Woods there I could move into?  Do they even have woods?  I should Google that.  Other than that, let’s hope for more of the same for the next year.

With me you get the whole package.  It’s just what is in that package might be a cause for concern.

I was at a drug store the other day after work, watching another customer arguing with a cashier because they won’t refund a product.  In the heat of the argument the customer ass(u)mes and points at me and says to the cashier, why don’t you ask your manager!  Whoa, don’t drag me into this; I’m just an innocent bystander who will be running to their Cabin In The Woods very soon.  Plus another reason not to wear a tie.

Someone asked “why I did it?”  The real questions should have been “why not do it?”

I had a co-worker who seemed to have the pathetic need to always be first.  They were the first to complete training.  They were the first to show their worth.  They were the first to call in sick.  They were the first to not call in at all when sick.  They were the first to really piss the boss off and they were the first to be fired.  But they kept their streak alive.

I once worked for an ambulance service that was located in Rockland County, which is appropriately named since there are rocks sticking out all over the place.  At one point while returning from a call, we came upon an officer who had just found a motorcycle accident where the driver used several of these rocks and a cliff face to stop.  So we offered our assistance to treat and transport the injured.  Turns out the driver was a teenager on a joy ride and didn’t even have a license to drive anything.  I bet he never got on a motorcycle again.  Rocks teach a hard lesson.

I’m sorry you can’t handle anything outside your realm of routine.  I can, so please let me and you go hide in my Cabin In The Woods.

Instead of just hanging on, can I just sit down instead?

Heard someone recently state “I have 10 things on my mind”, that explains a lot.  Perhaps you need to learn how to prioritize?

We have laws and rules in society to keep it functioning.  Being that this is the case then why do we always have people who think it doesn’t apply to them?  They go around thinking their free will also applies to them doing whatever they can come up with and to d*m with everyone else in the world.

Sometimes I’m waiting for a responsible adult to come along and take care of things.  Then I realize, I’m that adult, that’s annoying.

More stuff leaves my mind than enters it.

Everyone got their phones?  Ok then, so were all phonies.

There are real problems in the world and you’re getting yourself into a tizzy over something that isn’t.  I think you need to work on your perspective of what is an actual problem and what’s just an annoyance to your overblown ego and sense of self impotence.

Sometimes not being able to come up with a good idea, is the bad idea.

I know everything not to know.