You can’t hold me to your standard of stupidity if I’m already being held to a different standard in another jurisdiction.

I’ve forgotten more than I’ve ever known.

I’m not in the habit of making ass(u)mptions, I either know it or I don’t.

I first realized that my hair was thinning after a visit to Sesame Place with my children.  A day or two after our visit I thought I had dandruff, nope, the top of my head was sunburned and it was peeling.  Now if I’m outside for any length of time in the summer, it’s time for a hat.

Back when my sister in law was pregnant with her twins I told her that if they were identical, she should only have one circumcised.  That way when they were older they couldn’t try and fool her by switching places.  All she would have to do is tell them to drop them and mystery solved.

I’m more annoyed than mad.

No, you’re not in their league, for in their mind they’re in a league of their own.

Ever wonder what it would be like to create a place people not only want to go to, but look forward to it.  Kinda cool if you think about it.

Post #1225

I was hungry for food, but I came here to eat what you’re serving anyway.

I know nothing, so I should be here doing this.

If I can’t bring any value to the table, then why bother to come?

Our dog decided to get me a gun that shoots out tennis balls for father’s day.  Chasing stuff is her life; she chased a squirrel under the fence the other day to our amazement.  What she failed to take into consideration was that she would be scared sh*tless of it and cower under the table at the sight of it.

I write this blog with an audience of one in mind, me.  Also to reach the 220,000 I arbitrarily set for no real reason other than a book I read had reached that word count.  Maybe it’ll get me to my Cabin In The Woods sooner.

Came across someone who was the same height as me but at 144 pounds.  I passed 144 on my way to 150, 175, 200 etc.  When I was 30 I was 120, what happened?

It was a big thing once that has long since been forgotten.

At my job they use a lot of abbreviations.  The other day I saw bab and did not know what it meant.  So I asked a fellow coworker who had been there a while and they didn’t know either.  So after a little more research it turned out they had just misspelled bag.  That’s 10 minutes of my life I’m never getting back.

Why would you want to live what you aren’t, rather live what you are.

I’ve learned a thing or two about life that you haven’t figured out yet.  So wise up!

I know you’re weird since your actions even make me look normal.

Just because you don’t know it off the top of your head, doesn’t make your opinion so.  Do a little research.

Anyone that does any serious camping has heard of heating up rocks and placing them at the bottom of your sleeping bag to help keep you warm while cold weather tenting.  One aspect a person I use to know apparently didn’t hear about was that of wrapping the rocks up and wearing socks, since he did neither.  While they did warm his feet up, it also burned them.  Research would be the key here, since none was performed.  I guess if we were at my Cabin In The Woods, they wouldn’t have needed the extra heat.

I asked a staff member of a doctor’s office what part of the body they collected a swab from.  Their answer, the body, well duh, that much I already knew.  Pleaze be a little more specific if you’re able, they weren’t.

They’ll never forget, but soon they won’t even remember.

I overheard a coworker insisting to a customer that they never make mistakes and if one was made, it was clearly the other person.  Since then I have heard them on other occasions professing how mistake free their work is.  That’s my ultimate desire in life to be so right that I’m never wrong.

I command nothing and run everything.

Had a newer employee approach me at work, thinking I might be a big wig.  The only thing big about me is my stomach and I don’t wear wigs.  I’m just another peon like them and they don’t need to kiss my butt.  I guess their working on their brown nose appeal.

Why are you an intellectual idiot?

They’re a force of nature in their actions.  I’m a force of slumber in mine.

You’ll sit in the back corner of the café with your back turned to the world, hoping not to be noticed, but desperately wanting to be.

I was on the phone with a customer and their hold music was a radio station.  The DJ’s on were talking about sex toys for men with the usual jokes about being done in 2 minutes.  Just what I wanted to listen to; not.

Stop insisting on seeing a problem where there isn’t one.

Recently I ordered some items from a company in WI and they promptly sent it thru UPS.  Weirdly thou when it got to my area, UPS delivered it to the USPS to deliver to my house?  Now I know they do this in rural areas since UPS doesn’t go everywhere like the Post Office.  But me and my 1.2 million neighbors don’t live in a rural area.  So why should this company be using UPS, when in the end their not seeing the job thru to completion.  They should cut out the middle man don’t you think.  After all if I actually lived in my Cabin In The Woods, I’d be surprised if anyone delivered anything to me.

You know that if you stare long enough out a window, it’ll stare back.

Post #1200

I’m a movin’ and a grovin’, ok just movin’ since you have to have rhythm for the other.

If you don’t educate, you don’t advance.

One of these days I’ll get my act together, but by then it’ll probably be too late.

I can’t make you see what you won’t.  It’s up to you to open up to the reality.

So many choices; still nothing to watch.

One summer camp I worked at there would occur the occasional race weekend when the local track would open.  People would often camp out at the race track with no facilities beyond porta potties so they would buy a pass to a nearby State Park to take their showers.  Well on one Saturday afternoon a car pulls into our camp, a young lady gets out and heads for one of our bath houses before anyone can intercept her.  So she took her shower and when she reappeared we asked if we could help her.  So she states she had one of those passes, we let her know she’s not in the State Park, oops.  You’d think she noticed that everyone around her was a child with a few adults mixed in.

I’ve had too many first days, I need my last day and soon!  Cabin In The Woods pleaze.

Please visit any of our inconvenient locations or call 1-800-Don’tCare for no assistance.

Location #1

Location #2

Location #3

Location #4

Location #5

She Didn’t

Alone; yet again.

“In the silence, words come easy”, a phrase that’s so true.

I’m only impressed when someone curses at me if I learn something new from the experience.  If it’s the same old lame insult, yawn.

You know that you’ve done something wrong when the next day you wake up, remember it and hope it was a dream, but isn’t, that feeling really sucks!

I’m a deep thinker and a small achiever.

Someone made an ass(u)mption about why the other person was there, which lead them to a conclusion that they were better than them.  This ass(u)mption is why they’re not.

One of my children recently turned 18 which brought my 18^th birthday to mind.  I was hiking with my sibling and we were headed to the next stream to obtain more H2O.  For the map clearly showed a stream, what it didn’t show was that it would be dried up in the middle of August, dam paper map.  That’s when we checked what water we had left and it amounted to half a quart from the 8 quart bottles we carried.  Now we had a mountain to go over to get to the next source of H2O, which took the rest of the day.  It was a glorious sound when we heard that running water in the dark.

At one point we came across a mud puddle and were so thirsty that we had a serous conversation about boiling it up and drinking it.  But we didn’t possess any filtering system, so our thirst didn’t win, after all it would have only been muddy water, I think just the act of camping we ingested enough dirt without purposely doing so.  It was this trip I learned the real value of H2O.  Happy B ’day to me, that was the hottest water I ever drank.

I know I’m not the first person to point this out, but isn’t a Jumbo Shrimp an oxymoron?  Just saying.

You can’t drink more than is in your cup.

I don’t have a secret life; I just have an aspect that you’re not aware of.  As I’m sure you also do.

I was driving around with my 14 year old the other day when we saw a car with something written on its back window.  #don’t reelect him, #no more rubber stamp.  Their question was, are they referring to condoms, they had no idea what a rubber stamp is.

I’m drinking hot chocolate with my new glasses on and they kept steaming up, weird.

I always have doubts, so welcome to the human race.

You play the game by their rules so they don’t notice what you’re really doing.

Just called a Woman’s Health Center and their phone system seemed to be proudly announcing, “Now servicing men”.  Perhaps another choice of words should have been considered.

You know its true love when after decades of marriage each partner is willing to give the other a suppository ever night.

Post #1175

I was there and didn’t witness anything you did.

This is how cell phones can be bad.  One summer a child under my care got dehydrated on a hot day after drinking nothing but soda all day.  I took them to the camp nurse who took their temp and it was 100.3.  So we hydrated them and took them back to their tent to sleep.  About 20 minutes after I settle them in, my cell phone rings, it’s the child’s parents all upset.  The camper had called them from their tent to tell them they were sick and their temp was 103.0  So they wanted to know why their child wasn’t still at the nurse’s office and why they weren’t called.  Once I explained the reality of what was really happening they were much calmer.  The nurse said 100.3; the child moved the decimal and heard 103 in their mind.  If they hadn’t had a cell phone, this whole misunderstanding won’t have occurred.

I’m a more stationary object than a rolling stone; I enjoy the feeling of moss on my butt.

Once I thought I could; now I don’t care to try.

I need an express lane for one item or less.

There are those of us who drive in the right lane of life, plodding along and getting there when we do.  Then there’s the other who go for the left lane, in a hurry to get somewhere, often without much more success than the right lanners.  I prefer the right lane, tried the left, but no matter what I tried I still ended up in the same place.  I’m still searching for the lane that leads to my Cabin In The Woods, hoping not to hit a tree along the way.

The hardest way is not always the easiest, while the easiest is not always the hardest.  What you need to do is find the balance between the two.

Most people will rise to the level you place before them.  But if it’s not presented they will slowly sink.

Before I didn’t care too, now I can’t.

Their a bundle of energy and always on the go.  I’m like a rock and not.

Let’s put off until tomorrow what I could be doing next week.

When people use finger print scanners, they always seem to use their thumb.  Why not the middle finger?  Express yourself to the world of security.

They claim that they never forget, despite proof to the contrary.

I’ve stopped growing, but I continued to expand.

As Hogan’s Hero’s Sgt. Schultz use to say, perhaps a life philosophy.

There was a rolling skating rink located in a district I once worked.  It seemed that on almost every Saturday night we’d get called out there; so much so that we joked that we were going to rent a bay in the Goodyear next door to park the ambulance, so we could cut down on response time.

I remember one time the crew was walking across the rink to the patient and one of them was so busy watching the girls go by that he didn’t noticed the pole until he walked into it with the equipment he was carrying flying across  the rink.  Good thing they pad those things.

If I stop doing it, I’d become irrelevant!

The only time I get tired of sitting is when there’s an opportunity to lie down.

Life’s too short to feel bad about others mistakes, you have enough of your own.

Give a sh*t, then maybe you can care.

Be careful, they might be crazier than you.

When it rains it pours, but when it doesn’t, it all dries up.

I march by the beat of my own drummer and yet I have no rhythm.

Don’t ever reward stupid, no need to encourage it.  Once encouraged, it multiples like rabbits.

My style is “whatever”.

Post #1150

You had your 15 minutes, so stop living your life like it’s actually coming back.

It’s easy to reach for a pill when you feel uncomfortable.  It’s much harder to deal with it free style.

While my time isn’t valuable, but that doesn’t mean I’m wasting anymore of it on you.

The truth is actual and factual and you’re full of sh*t.

The problem with your attitude is I’m an adult, I don’t need you to tell me what to do, I’m mature enough to figure it out on my own.  If I can’t, then I’ll ask for help.

I’ve noticed people don’t like to have their mistakes pointed out, especially by the new guy.

Back in my yoot I would go squirrel hunting and was moderately successful at it.  Mostly because the sibling I went with would get bored and take pot shots at birds, thus driving the squirrels to my part of the woods where I was sitting quietly, like you’re supposed to do.  At first I would hunt with my .22, but I got tired of the challenge of missing, so I started to bring my 12 gauge; never missed after that.  Maybe I can shoot from my Cabin In the Woods now?

It’s just too much about you and the rest of us are a distant 5^th.

A friend of mine is really into getting their tan.  So much so that when they were a police officer they would pick the spot for their speeding trap based on the suns position.  After all might as well get two birds with one stone, enforce the law and get a bronze tan to boot.  Now that’s commitment, it takes law enforcement out of the shadows.

So you want me to punish someone for doing their job the way it’s supposed to be done, but not the way you demanded.  Please take a long walk off a short pier, another reason for my Cabin In The Woods.

I was in the ER with one of my campers on a race weekend.  The guy in the next bed over was being treated for burns to his face.  It was interesting because his story keep evolving every time the doctor asked.  It went from he tripped and fell into the fire, to the final version where he was sitting on the tail gate of a pickup and passed out and went face first into the fire.  People do a lot of stupid things on race weekend in Watkins Glen in the 80’s, wonder if it’s changed any?

I’m the wrong person at the right time.

I’m the kind of person who’d get on an elevator with another person in a two story building and ask them what floor they want.

I was once in an ER with a dislocated shoulder and the doctor was questioning the person next to me about STD’s.  They asked how many partners they had and their response, this week?

I have been kind of blessed to be able to grow a mustache.  One of my older siblings tried to grow one but failed.  They were even caught once when my sisters asked where their mascara was going, to him because he was using it to try and make it more visible.  Ah, vanity.

I know everything about nothing and I’m good at it.

Someone once pointed out that one of my posts was a repeat of something I had posted before.  My response; and so…