I is…n’t that funny.

I’m going to open a business and put this announcement on the phone system when someone calls, since this is closer to reality than what is usually stated by companies.  “We strive for the highest excellence in our customer service, but that won’t happen since we really don’t care.”

I’m an equal opportunity believer in idiots of all types.

First world problem; broke a nail while gardening.  Third world problem; broke a leg while doing hard manual labor and there’s no doctors.

Sometimes when you’re really smart you can still be really stupid in your actions and adding sarcasm when you’re acting this way is not very appealing.

Let’s hide in the dim subdued lighting of our delusions rather than be exposed to the harsh bright lights of reality.

Why would I want to be taken seriously if the expectation is that nothing is going to happen?  And you wonder why I want a Cabin In The Woods.

Sorry I don’t feel like being in a parade of one.

Post #1625

First world problem; too scared to let a co-worker in the building who is accidently locked out.  Third world problem, terrified because there are actual gunmen outside trying to get in and there is no possibility for help.

I let the world unfold in front of me as it may, for its pretty crazy out there and I have little influence over it.

If the stressor is caused because of stupid reasons, it’s not a stress worth dealing with and is best ignored.  Save your energy for important issues.

You could at least try to pretend to care instead of purposely ignoring the situation.

You’re confusing yourself, so stop thinking!

First world problem, no garnishes to dress up the food.  Third world problem, not enough food to even eat.

If you’re so miserable in your life that the only way you can feel good is to take your anger out on total strangers.  But strangely in the end, even this leaves you with a hollow feeling inside.  Perhaps take on the issues that are making you miserable, instead of placing that anger on everyone else.  Only you can make yourself happy.

I don’t care what you did later; the time when it really mattered you failed us at the most basic level.

My oldest turned 21 the other day and the first thing they did was go out and buy themselves a 40oz beer.  Not to drink, but just because they can. (Don’t Drink)  They plan on putting it up on a shelf in their room and look at it.

I remember that when I turned 18 I was legal, then when it was upped to 19 I was 20 and finally to 21 I was 22.  But then I don’t drink either, so it was all wasted on me, since I never got wasted.

Champagne budget, beer tastes, go figure.

First world problem, bone spur in their foot.  Third world problem, no foot and no hope for a prosthetic.

They were always late to work and life, but early to their funeral, go figure.

My Dad use to make great homemade pies from scratch.  Now I’m afraid that the only scratching going on with the pies I buy is the worker scratching untold body parts while mass producing them.

My employer’s lawyer either needs a secretary or better organizational skills for when you walk by their office all you see if a tuff of their gray hair sticking out from behind piles of paper on their desk.

I’m glad you’ve never heard of me, for in that case there are no expectations and I can go quietly to my Cabin In The Woods.

First world problem, nothing to watch on TV.  Third world problem, only Dictator’s propaganda on TV.

For you, I’d be glad, not to help.

My, don’t you have a keen eye for the obvious.

Everything in your life can’t be the “worst thing ever”, for that means nothing is good in your life.  Try to think a little more positive, even thinking “it is what it is” is an improvement.

Remind me, so I can forget.

First world problem, waiting too long to see my doctor.  Third world problem, no doctors at all.

Don’t take things so literally for sometimes you need to think.  The correct answer may not be the right one for the current situation and require an alternate solution.

At work the other day we were having power problems.  So management decided to let everyone go home but needed one person to stay in case the power returned.  One of my coworkers has this poor pitiful me martyr complex, so when we were deciding who would stay, they say, “I always get the short end of the straw”, so I volunteered.  I wasn’t gonna feed that complex at all.

Just because you don’t understand a concept doesn’t mean it isn’t valid, maybe try and open your mind to new things.

I hate it when I find out that I know more than I thought I did.

Post #1600

First world problem, can’t read the small print because you forgot your glasses.  Third world problem, can’t read even if they had glasses.

Someone said to me “I want you to do it my way”, problem with that is when I look in the mirror I wasn’t them, but me, so I’ll do it my way thank you.

In the time you spent discussing/whining and complaining that something didn’t get done.  I just went ahead and did it.  How about trying that approach next time and not be afraid of doing too much since you work too hard already, yeah sure, keep telling yourself that.  Or perhaps go to my Cabin In The Woods to figure it out.

I was dreaming that I was in a specific church for services, that doesn’t exist anymore, being said by a priest who isn’t around anymore.  When it was over I went outside to find my car, which I don’t have anymore.  I wasn’t able to find it, so I went to a nearby mall, which an’t around anymore either.  What was this dream trying to tell me?

I’m as sharp as the hammer end of a nail.

First world problem, no signal to see your favorite tweets.  Third world problem, no way to signal for help.

I did a face lift over the weekend, when I lifted my face off the pillow in the morning.

Recently I had to install a new water heater, usually a simple but expensive process.  Not for me thou.  Back in the past when my old one was installed they reversed the flow of water from its normal course.  So when the new plumber came in, they set it up the normal way and turned it on.  It then proceeded to blow 10 years of muck out of my boiler and into my hot water stream.  What a mess!  It took a week to get the hot water to look clear again.

We all like to control things; however wisdom comes when you realize and accept that it’s not always possible to and then learn to go with the flow.

Ever stare at the floor and wonder as to the why of it?

First world problem, too much to eat.  Third world problem, no food.

Question, do you want me to help you?  Or are you contacting me just to act like an idiot?  Take your time with the answer.

The issue got just as much attention as it deserved, which was none, since it’s a nonissue only relevant in your delusions.  Off to my Cabin In The Woods.

 

Sometimes when I’m thinking I have to stand up to get the pressure off my brain.

I know a lot of everything not to know.

First world problem, no hot water.  Third world problem, no water.

It’s well past time to change the status quo, time to shake things up and get things done.  Not this crap that’s going on now.

I’m sorry you’re so sorry.

Speculative Bullsh*t is an annoying habit people have picked up in this age of information overload and the 24 hour news cycle.  If they would just wait for actual accurate information to come out, life would improve greatly.  But instead they speculate as to what may have occurred, based on nothing, and try to pass it off as facts.

Maybe “news organizations” should chill and go back to reporting the news twice a day.  That way they can sort out the information and get it right beforehand and not have to clean up their bullsh*t after the fact.  For in the time of the internet, once it’s out there, it stays, regardless of its falsehood, some conspiracy nut will turn it into what they want to hear.

My job is to get the information out.  Not to study and understand it.  That is not a necessary requirement.

Their so cute in their naivety of their place in the food chain of reality.  They would at the very least have to get here on time before they can even begin to be in the running.

You know it’s easy to be happy when you’re delusional.

Feeling entitled, time to smell the reality that you’re not.

It’s not always the receiving end that’s the issue, sometimes it’s the sender that’s screwing up.  Like misspelling the destination where your item is headed.

It’s easy to get something done fast, for anyone can half azz it.

Post #1575

Everything the matter when nothing is actually wrong.

I can only stand up so many times a day from a sitting position, so don’t ask me to do so and you then waste my attempts when it isn’t necessary.  I don’t want to get stuck in the sitting position unless I’m going to sleep in my Cabin In The Woods.

Called a doctor’s office and their system said I am position 1, instead of first in line.  I’m confused; I don’t think I know how to do position 1?  What does it entail?  I think I’m afraid.  I may need a manual, what if I was position 2 or 3 etc., what then?  Sounds like a big commitment to me for a simple phone call.

Sometimes extra help is of no help at all and should be declined.

Everyone is full of imperfections and those who think they’re not, even more so.

I have the most unread blog in the country; it’s the best example of how not to bring attention to oneself.

I know that person is really out there since I am and they passed me by on their way out.

As a co-worker was leaving they asked I pray for them, my response, but who’s going to pray for me?  For it an’t going to be me.

Be careful of what you don’t want, for you might just get it.  So to my Cabin In The Woods pronto!

I find incentives to be a disincentive, just saying.

They said it was taken “out of context”, that’s not so if their context is different than yours.  But if their trying to screw you, well then yes.

I don’t know what’s going on, but then that’s nothing unusual.

Apparently a couple of days ago my 18 year old was cleaning out their car trunk and for some reason put their road flairs and first aid kit on the roof of my van and forgot about them.  Then a few days later they ask me if I had these items.  Ah, nope, why would I have been looking for things on top of my van?  I guess someone out there got free flairs and a first aid kit.

You’re not so important that you can’t wait.

One of my co-workers reminded another one that it was time for their break.  Their response, oh, I had forgotten that.  After they got back I asked them why did they remind them, after all we just got them settled down to do some actual work and you broke that up.

Someone sent out an email with the opening line, “I was recently married, but here’s the proof that this is still me.”  I sorry, did you lose your identity when you got married?  That’s not a good thing, you’re still an individual, don’t become the other person.

We can sit here and play the blame game all day if you’d like.  Or you can just tell me what went wrong and I’ll fix it and we’ll go with our lives in short order.

What’s one to do when all their saviors are gone?

One service I worked for was operated with volunteers.  So we had a set structure of elected officials who ran the ambulance business end.  One position we had was Member at Large.  Well at one point the person who occupied this position was rather large, so we retitled the position Large Member for the duration of their tenure.  Perhaps in today’s climate we shouldn’t have done so, but oh well.

In a time of crisis, I’ll listen to your suggestions, but it is ultimately my decision to make alone.

With arms wide closed!  That’s how it works at my Cabin In the Woods.

I should write a book and titled it, “How To Be Alone In A Room Full Of People”.

Work with the tools you’re provided with.  If in the future you get better tools then great, but until then keep going with what you have.

There is a website that will test you for STD’s confidentially.  On their phone system it mentions their loyal returning customers; do they get a loyalty or rewards card?  I don’t think I want to be a loyal customer of this site.  They also offer discounts for testing of couples, so the couple that tests together, stays together?  Very bazar.  Do they also give discounts if you have more than one STD?  And if you get the trifecta are the test is free?  My spouse keeps telling me to say STI instead of STD, I’ll consider it, maybe.

One winter while reading water meters a full timer there tried to put his girlfriend and her child on his medical insurance.  But since he wasn’t married to her and the child wasn’t his the town declined his request.  Of course he took it very personal and bitched up a storm; his sense of entitlement was high.  Well a couple of years later the person responsible for enrolling dependents retired.  So he of course applied to put his girlfriend/child on the insurance again and the new person who put it through did not yet fully understand the rules of the insurance.  Well when the insurance company asked for documentation that these individuals were in fact legitimate dependents, there was of course none.  When his boss found out, they knew the employee had tried this in the past and had been clearly told no and yet went ahead and did it again.  So they had him arrested for fraud and fired.  He should have just married her.  So he lost his job, but got a new place to live for 3 to 5 years.  It’s one thing when you can claim ignorance, it’s entirely different when you purposely commit the fraud, thinking that no one will notice, because you’re convinced you’re the only one that’s right, even after the jail door slams behind you.

Post #1550

There’s a lot to say and no one to hear any of it.

Someone is getting their urine tested and their last name is Golden.  What’s the issue?  Perhaps their stream isn’t golden enough?

People like to say, “I can’t see bringing a child into the world as it is today”; like they’re the first to ever come up with this thought.  Sorry to tell you, but people have been saying this every day, week, month, decade, century and guess what, the world still sucks and most likely will never be up to your standards.  That’s why the rest of us have kids, we know.  Perhaps maybe if you don’t want to have kids of your own, then adopt a child that is already here.  For the world is really sucking for them right now.

Problem with all in one devices; is that when it breaks, usually inconveniently, it’s all or nothing.

I’m not a smart man, I’m not a stupid man, I’m just a man in search of a Cabin In the Woods.

A job where you’re telling people no more than yes is not worth having.  People don’t want to hear no, it upsets them and they can’t handle the rejection.  They then take it out on you, even though you’re telling the truth.  Now a job where you’re helping and saying yes I can do that for you, that’s a place where you want to be.

You’re so sure you know what the other person wants before they tell you, but you don’t because you’re not f**kin listening to what their saying.  You have already decided what you’re going to do.  Stop; then listen; then make your “informed” decision; it’ll cut down on a lot of frustration on both sides.

I’m a relatively normal abnormal person, how about you?

I’ve forgotten most of what I don’t remember.

I was camping with my youth group back in the day and the woods we were in were bordering a corn field.  One of my fellow campers notice a VW Bug parked in the opposite corner of the field and since we weren’t doing anything we decided to investigate.  As we approached the Bug it was clear it was a rockin and a rollin.  Turns out there was a couple in the Bug in their birthday suits getting buzy.  They were very surprised when they were surrounded by a group of wide eyed teens.  I guess they thought they were in a place where no one was, nope.  There was a bit of screaming by her trying to cover up as he tried to drive away as fast as he could, I guess they bugged out.

When I note an account in my employers computer system I make that note short and to the point.  For the more you write, the more rope you give them to hang you with if they think you made a mistake.

I’m in my own little world, but then aren’t we all?

Nothing I own isn’t someone else’s.

Sorry, but I see you for who you are and in your case, I can’t be accepting of it.

I can’t do the big things anymore, so the little things are going to have to suffice.

I rented an apartment in an 1800’s era farm house, there’s no point in saying the house was old, but I did have a skeleton key for my door.  It was so close to the road in the front that it felt like passing cars were driving thru it.  The road was probably a trail when the house was built, but it had grown.  At one point a friend was staying with me.  They lived way out in the country, so weren’t use to sounds of traffic.  A tractor trailer rolled by and they thought it was an earth quake.  By this point I was oblivious to the noise and shaking.  I guess if I lived in a Cabin In The Woods like him, I would have thought it was an earthquake to.

There’s no such thing as unlimited, for theirs a bottom to every well.