I’m not a smart man, I’m not a stupid man, I’m just a man in search of a Cabin In the Woods.

A job where you’re telling people no more than yes is not worth having.  People don’t want to hear no, it upsets them and they can’t handle the rejection.  They then take it out on you, even though you’re telling the truth.  Now a job where you’re helping and saying yes I can do that for you, that’s a place where you want to be.

You’re so sure you know what the other person wants before they tell you, but you don’t because you’re not f**kin listening to what their saying.  You have already decided what you’re going to do.  Stop; then listen; then make your “informed” decision; it’ll cut down on a lot of frustration on both sides.

I’m a relatively normal abnormal person, how about you?

I’ve forgotten most of what I don’t remember.

I was camping with my youth group back in the day and the woods we were in were bordering a corn field.  One of my fellow campers notice a VW Bug parked in the opposite corner of the field and since we weren’t doing anything we decided to investigate.  As we approached the Bug it was clear it was a rockin and a rollin.  Turns out there was a couple in the Bug in their birthday suits getting buzy.  They were very surprised when they were surrounded by a group of wide eyed teens.  I guess they thought they were in a place where no one was, nope.  There was a bit of screaming by her trying to cover up as he tried to drive away as fast as he could, I guess they bugged out.

When I note an account in my employers computer system I make that note short and to the point.  For the more you write, the more rope you give them to hang you with if they think you made a mistake.

I’m in my own little world, but then aren’t we all?

Nothing I own isn’t someone else’s.

Sorry, but I see you for who you are and in your case, I can’t be accepting of it.

I can’t do the big things anymore, so the little things are going to have to suffice.

I rented an apartment in an 1800’s era farm house, there’s no point in saying the house was old, but I did have a skeleton key for my door.  It was so close to the road in the front that it felt like passing cars were driving thru it.  The road was probably a trail when the house was built, but it had grown.  At one point a friend was staying with me.  They lived way out in the country, so weren’t use to sounds of traffic.  A tractor trailer rolled by and they thought it was an earth quake.  By this point I was oblivious to the noise and shaking.  I guess if I lived in a Cabin In The Woods like him, I would have thought it was an earthquake to.

There’s no such thing as unlimited, for theirs a bottom to every well.

When I was but a mere child, CB’s were all the rage.  I begged my parents for one that Christmas.  My parents couldn’t afford a “real” one so they bought me a cheaper version that also had an AM radio built in.  I was totally thrilled with it and I probably listened to the radio more than the CB.  I even got into the habit of putting the ear piece under my pillow in the morning and listening to the Wired Woodshed “Grab it, slam it and we’ll see you in the morning”.  I also imagined the Wired Woodshed was covered in chicken wire.  I’d even DJ by broadcasting my favorite songs over the CB and acting like a radio station from my tape recorder; that I had recorded from the radio.  The only thing missing was the Rubber Duck.  Other than that, what a time I had!

I was reading a feel good story about a little boy whose only wish for Christmas was to see his big brother who’s in the Marines.  His brother found this out and managed to get leave and surprised him at his elementary school.  While this is a happy story, it saddens me.  For I wish to see certain people one more time and I know it will never happen.  Like my Mom, Dad, Kovacs, Uncle Roger, Jackie and so on and so forth.  However you can’t always get what you wish for in life.

I was at work on the third story of an eight story building when the power went out.  It was an annoying and a “what now” moment.  Then a thick plume of smoke passes by our windows, and it then becomes an “oh sh*t” moment.  Once the panic subsided it was determined that the diesel generator had kicked in.  Of course no one was aware we had one, but we got the knowledge, in a scary kind of way.

You’re the only one saying this about that person, so I’m going to air on the side of caution and decide you’re an idiot.

I love videos of people over reacting to getting pulled over by the police and acting like a spoiled two year old.  How dare someone apply the rules to them!  Their special, for their mommy told them so!  But if someone does something to them, they’ll be the first to demand the rule of law be applied in its fullness.  Well that too bad, you can’t have it both ways.  Time to move to my Cabin In The Woods.

One of my children posted a video to YouTube when they were around 10 years old of them hitting a home run.  Over the years they’d forgotten about it.  Well today they looked it up to discover it has over 20,000 views.  But what amazed them the most, as they put it, “25 people took time out of their day to dislike the video”.  The video is a cute example of little kids trying to play baseball, what’s not to like.

When I bought my house it didn’t have a door bell so I bought a wireless one.  From time to time it would ring, but no one would be there and we wondered what was going on?  It turned out our neighbor across the street had the same door bell and we were both on the same frequency.  So we were annoying them as much as they were annoying us.  I invested in a hard wired doorbell to halt the insanity.

Pride is for those who can afford it.  So if you need help, just ask.

Post #1525

Sometimes it sucks to stick your head out of your warm and safe bubble of denial and experience reality.

A trained monkey can do this job, but I’m not certain you are up to that standard thou.

On my first Christmas with my then girlfriend (now spouse) I wanted to give her diamond earrings, but I didn’t want to just give her a box with them in, I wanted to do something different.  So I racked my brain and did some searching and found a small teddy bear wearing a t shirt that said “I Have A Secret”.  So I put the diamonds in its ears and wrapped it.  When they opened it, it took them a few moments to figure it out, but the surprise was worth it.

Sometimes it’s easier to love someone than to actually like them.

Don’t stress out over sh*t you can’t control.  What’s the point?  It prevents you from living your life and robs you of sleep.  Better to just accept it and move on.

At one summer camp that I worked at, the campers and counselors would have a talk about anything before they all went to sleep.  It’s was a way for a group of strangers to get to know each other better.  They would share stories about who they were and where they came from.  Well one child shared troubling stories of being abused by their father.  According to the counselors the stories were very convincing and they, as required, reported them to the camp director.  By law, the director then reported it to the authorities.  This is when it became even weirder.  The child’s father was the authority for the State, actually heading that department.  So it turned out that this child was looking for special attention and repeated stories they had heard their father mention.  I thought the father handled it very well when he arrived to pick up the child.  He didn’t make a fuss or even let on that he was aware of what his child had done.  He also stepped back and let the investigation happen without interference.  I wonder if he thought of a Cabin In The Woods when all of this went down?

A client sends in an order with general instructions, but no specifics as to what they actually want.  I then hear a co-worker, in an attempt to appease the client, create an opinion as to what “may have” happen based on no real information or proof and try to sell it as if they were correct in their ass(u)mptions.  Their then throwing co-workers under the bus for not ass(u)ming what the client wanted, but rather doing what was indicated.  They seriously need to zip it until they have facts, not come up with wild theories about co-workers when the client never gave specifics to begin with.  After all, the client screwed up and they should be made to understand that, politely, so that in the future they’ll be more specific.

By my co-worker spewing their verbal diarrhea in the end is a bad plan, for the client will come back and say, so and so said such and such.  Now a manager is going to have to deal with the mess of their ass(u)mptions, before, they can even correct the issues.

I follow the rules as close enough to the edge as possible.

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Question?  Please define truth?  There appears to be many forms of it one has to deal with.  How is their truthiness more truth than mine?  Why do five people say one person is telling the truth, but then one insists their lying, how do they know?  People insist their telling the truth all the time, when it’s clear their lying, are they doing either?  My truth of the matter can collide with theirs, who’s to say either is wrong?  Also I don’t think it’s a matter of opinions, rather just truth.

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I’ll take the new please.

You have been diagnosed with an injury that’s a direct result of your actions or lack thereof.  But you feel the strong need to sue someone else to get money from them because they have it and you want it, despite the truth they aren’t involved in the outcome of your situation.  For you believe someone owes you and you don’t care who pays for your actions, as long as it isn’t you, for your life is someone else’s responsibility.

If you have to ask that question, then you’ll never understand the answer.

Heard a salesman state that their stuff is always fresh.  But the only thing fresh about their rhetoric is the steam off their bullsh*t.

I once meet a young man who in their first 18 months of driving seemed to get in accident after accident because of his recklessness and disregard for his fellow driver and humans in general.  I unfortunately meet him because his parents were in desperate need of an assigned risk auto policy, because their insurer wanted to cancel them if they didn’t remove him from their policy.  All he wanted to know when he met me was, if he got a sportier car, would it cost more to insure.  He wasn’t paying the bill, so why should he care.  He had little regard for how his actions affected others; it was clearly all about him.  People like him are a main motivator for me to have a Cabin In The Woods.

He got chlamydia, his last name is Johnson, so, he got it by sticking his Johnson in the wrong place?

Eventually you’ll get to a point in your life where things no longer go up hill.

The shorter the…

You always have my permission to leave.  However, if you want to come back, now that an’t up to me.

What’s the cheapest part of venison?  The deer balls.  Why?  Because they’re under a buck.

The more I know, the less I want to.

Ebb and flow of the life of a hermit blogger.  Sometimes the ideas fly out of me, other times it’s a slow drip.  Either way I still want my Cabin In The Woods.

A famous woodsman once said, “I’ve never been lost, only a mite bit confused.

Thanksgiving use to be a big family event.  We’d travel to my parents and meet up with the rest of the family that we hadn’t seen all year.  Then when my parents couldn’t do it, my sister took over.  It was a weekend event with many traditions.  Well now my sister isn’t healthy enough to do thanksgiving, so it’s just a big meal at my house with the spouse and kids.  Basically just another day.  It’s so sad that with the passage of time things come to an end.  I think one of my many nieces and/or nephews needs to step up and restart this tradition, it would be nice.

It’s not that I’m not paying attention to the world; it’s just that I’m not engaged at this time.

Just because you make up a name for something, doesn’t make it more important than its proper name.  After all it’s still not real.

Post #1500

I had an idea for this blog.  I forgot to write it down.  Now it’s gone into the murky parts of my mind never to be heard from again.

An office sent in a form with the birth year written as “17” and ass(u)med we would know they meant 1917.  Then they called to correct it and made a sarcastic remark about us not working with pediatrics.  I corrected them, yah we do (my highest professionalism).  A strong desire for my Cabin In The Woods then overcame me.

I’m inching ever closer to the 100,000 word count.  Should I be excited?

I know you like the sound of your own voice.  But to the rest of us your constant stream of crap is getting annoying.  Please zip it!

I’m glad you think we’re on the same page, but unfortunately were looking at different books.

You’ll see the phrase “hand crafted” on food labels.  That must drive the germaphobes crazy to know someone touched the food they desire and now can’t eat out of an irrational fear!

I follow the problems that aren’t, why not.

When you call a doctor’s office, the first thing you might hear on their phone system is, “If this is a true medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911”, well duh, why the f*ck are you calling them to begin with?  Do you think they’re going to drop everything and come running to your aide?  That’s what EMS is for.

One of my older siblings raised pigeons when they were growing up and discovered somethings about pigeon reproduction.  First they learned how to tell male from female pigeons, something to do with the bone structure down there, so exciting, not really.

Then during the first winter they felt sorry for the birds since it was so cold out.  So they installed heat lamps to keep them warm.  Well that apparently singled the pigeons to start lying eggs.  Who knew, so the lamps were removed from the coop.  Thou the winter made it easier to clean up after them.  They would sit in the same spot to keep warm and it would all pile up behind them, as opposed to being everywhere when it was warmer out.  As a side benefit, our garden had a lot of fertilizer.

They also raised a breed called a “roller”, the pigeon would fly along and then proceed to roll and crash to the ground.  Knowing this, once when my friends were visiting the pigeons were flying overhead and I acted like I was shooting at them.  On cue one of the rollers dropped to the ground.  They were shocked.

You’re talking from a void of actual experience.  How about you go get some.

Your words are falling on deaf ears, for they stopped listening long ago.

It’s all your fault!  Not if I can pin the blame on you first!

Someone claimed they didn’t make the mistake so their co-worker shouldn’t slander them.  Turns out they did, so the slander was appropriate.

While they suffer from self-doubt, ineptness and stressing out from the small things in life, they make up for it with their arrogance and constant babbling about nothing but their inane ass(u)mptions about their world.

I have a fantastic memory, when it suits my needs.

I’m going to get myself a big office with a big desk to sit behind.  From which I’ll make thousands of indecisions.  Or in other words, move into my Cabin In The Woods.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m never going to do things your perceived correct way.  I’ll get there by my own route just the same thank you.

I was sitting in the families Olds Cutlass on a two way street waiting to make a left hand turn when the traffic cleared.  I happened to glance in my rear view mirror and noticed another car coming up at a fast clip and clearly not slowing down.  Since this car had a real engine, I floored it as the other driver realized I was there and hit their brakes.  But it was by my cars acceleration the accident didn’t happen, plus I was paying attention to my environment.

You’ll do it at your speed; I’ll do it at mine.  It doesn’t matter what the speed is, as long as there is one and we get there.

We now have a Roomba; it has 4 legs and is called Bailey.  Our floors have never been so clean.  Can’t say the same for the backyard thou.

I wanted you to do it and if I have anything to say about it, you still won’t be doing it.

A couple of days after Sandy hit our area I was leaving work (we had a generator) and someone else was exiting the building complaining that the bank on the first floor was closed and they couldn’t access their money since there was no power, 90% of the island didn’t have it.  Well duh, you should have thought of that before the hurricane hit and not ass(u)me everything would be the same.  Heck you couldn’t even get gas and if you could find it, they wanted cash.  In times like that Cash Is King.  If you don’t have it in hand, you’re out of luck.

I need to know what I knew, you understand?

It’s interesting to watch the new people complain about the old at work, especially when the senior person who has put in the time has more liberties than them.  With seniority come privileges.  You stay here long enough and perhaps you’ll get them to.

You’re so busy trying to assign blame for a problem, perhaps maybe that energy would be better spent on just fixing it.

Post #1475

I bought some food that had uncured pepperoni on it.  Why?  I want my food cured before I eat it.

It’s hard to install a trait in another that you don’t possess.

Back in the early 70’s when my grandmother passed after a long illness my grandfather was buried in medical bills.  So he apparently made a deal with the State to pay the bills and in return they’d get his house once he could no longer live there.  I think he got the better end of that deal, for he did no maintenance on it, including raising the one corner that always sank into the spring.  So by the time we moved him out you could place a marble in one corner of a room and it would roll easily to the other.  The place was a dump.  The State probably had to pay someone just to take it off their hands.  Unfortunately, it had once been a gorgeous Victorian, complete with all the wood work; he turned it into a flop house.

I won’t make a mockery of your beliefs and rituals by participating in them like they matter to me.

I don’t blindly support them.  I’m aware of their flaws and accept them.  This is why I support them just the same.

What if you have what you don’t need and need what you don’t have?

Actually read what I wrote down and don’t try to put your spin on it.  If I wanted you to do that then I wouldn’t have been specific in writing it down.

Did someone once tell you that you were special and would be King of the World?  But in reality you’re just King of the Turds instead.  My how your reality sucks.

If I didn’t go to work today, it might inconvenience people, but the world wouldn’t come to a crashing stop.  Such is a day in my life.

I’m the leading voice on silence. Hear me roar, pleaze!

If everyone is piling out of the in, perhaps going in is a bad idea at this time?

People can be dead serious about things that are considered a waste of time, case in point this blog.

I have great situational awareness, there are many situations in my life that I’m not aware of.

I predict something will happen and my predictions are always somewhat true.

My youngest woke me up at 7:40 this morning, nice to sleep in, except, their bus comes at 7:00, opps.  I guess I was just tired.

It’s kind of become like a maze at work with the installation of a bunch of new cubicles in an area that was wide open before.  As such, I found the cheese.

They want us to work as a team, but 2 of the 3 members of this team don’t even talk to each other.  So that’s going to work out well, probably not.

I’m sure there’s a reason for it.  But I’m surer that I still don’t care.

I like it here; all I have to do is get food, create shelter and acquire water and then purify it.  No stressors what so ever.  It’s better than reality, where I take it all for granted.

My nose gets more exercise than me lately.  For right now it’s running like crazy.

You thought you had the winning strategy, because you thought you knew how to play the game.  However someone else thought differently about the same game and decided to change the rules by catering to the lowest common denominator and out right lying, while you only wanted to stretch the truth.

What are the secrets to staying sanitary when everything around you has gone to sh*t?

It was yours to loose, congrats on your success?

A patient calls and starts the conversation, “My doctor wants you to test my balls”.  Ok?  We do that, so I explain the process and their shocked that we need his swimmers to test, apparently he didn’t know that part.  I wonder what he thought we were going to do?  He cumes in and we fondle his sack?  His doctor could do that.

I’m the old fart with some supposed wisdom and experience.  You’re the young arrogant sh*thead who thinks they know it all.  Thusly that’s why you don’t understand their decisions.  Because in your ignorance the concept eludes you.  Perhaps you should find a Cabin In The Woods to think it over?

Post#1450

If you feel the need to assign blame, that’s up to you.  But remember some of the blame always reflects back on you.  No one’s totally blameless.

They want to know if I’m prepared.  I’m as prepared as I am at this point.  Can I be more prepared, yes, that will come if time allows it.  Either way I’m in no hurry.

Someone just told me I sound like John Cusack on the phone.  I beg to differ, I looked him up, I’m older, so he sounds like me!

In the years we had a doe permit the saying would go, “If it’s brown it’s down”.  However it was a rare occasion that actually happened.  The only thing usually wrapped in brown that was in any danger was our lunches.